


After Midnight

by dawnings



Category: NCT (Band), WeishenV
Genre: Alcohol, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24292942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnings/pseuds/dawnings
Summary: “You don’t forgive me yet?”Ten couldn’t hold back his scoff. “You run off to college, where I don’t hear from you once, and then you come back two years later and expect everything to be fine? That’s not the way things work, Yukhei.”Yukhei slid off of the dumpster, landing on his feet in front of Ten. “I’ve changed, Ten. Everything has changed.”“No,” Ten said, blinking tears out of his eyes. “It hasn’t.”
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Qian Kun, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Liu Yang Yang/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery
Comments: 65
Kudos: 163





	1. 2:45 AM

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! This is the Luten fic literally no one asked for, yet here we are! This is the first time I’m posting a Luten fic so I hope I don’t totally blow their characterizations lol. Anyway I wanna thank Jocelyn and Miranda for hyping me up so much and reading this chapter before I post it and overall just being the best people alive I literally wouldn’t write without their support! Anyway I hope you don’t hate this fic bye enjoy!

Ten couldn’t sleep.

He’d been laying in bed for hours now, trying to drift off. It was pitch black in his room, but his eyes were as open as ever. For a moment, he worried that he’d had coffee too late in the day, or that the espresso he’d made this morning was too strong.

Somehow, he knew that wasn’t really the case. He was just _anxious_. His heart was beating entirely too loud in his ears, to the point that listening to rain sounds or music couldn’t help at all. His mind had been racing all day, and it wouldn’t even slow to let Ten rest.

Someone Ten hadn’t seen in two years was back in town from college. The new semester was starting in a week, or so, but apparently he was taking a break from going to school. Ten didn’t really understand what was going on; Dejun had filled him in at work this morning, when they were setting up the café. Ever since then, Ten couldn’t get the name that had once been a common taste on his tongue out of his head. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel, or act, or exist.

He was up at two in the morning, trying to force old memories back down like bile. There was so much going through his head, especially right now that he didn’t have any other distractions. His mind was trying to remind him of this person, of all of the little details that remained in Ten’s head like gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe. There was a name playing in Ten’s head, a song stuck on loop. His own thoughts were making him feel nauseous. He’d been on edge all day out of worry that he’d run into the same person he’d spent years avoiding.

Now, Ten knew that he was back. He was in town at the same time as Ten, for the first time in so long. Ten had always gone out of his way to make sure he didn’t run into him—he visited his family over the summers, instead of staying in town where he knew he would be. They had all of the same friends, so when they decided to hang out with him, Ten stayed home. Ten didn’t talk about him, or think about him, and he certainly didn’t see him. They were in the same town—the same space—for the first time in years. And Ten hated it.

Ten was pulled out of his head by his phone vibrating loudly against his dresser. He had about six texts from Yangyang, who also happened to be the one calling. There was a moment where Ten considered ignoring the call, and going back to brew in his own thoughts. On the other hand, Yangyang _never_ called. Besides, it wasn’t like Ten was going to go to sleep any time soon.

Ten accepted the call, holding the phone up to his face. “What’s up?” he asked. His voice sounded tired, even to him.

“Can you come get us?” Yangyang asked, voice breathy and small. There was someone talking in the background on Yangyang’s end, but Ten couldn’t quite make out who it was over the younger man’s voice. “We got really high and tried walking to this party I’d heard about. And now we’re really lost.”

Ten sat up, rubbing a hand over his face to alert himself. He was exhausted from being awake since the early morning, but he was good enough to drive. “Yeah, I’m coming. Do you have any idea where you are?” He slid his slippers on and stood up, stretching his legs. He put his glasses on, looking around to figure out where he’d put his keys.

“Not really,” Yangyang hummed. “We got high down town and walked for, like, an hour before calling you.”

“Of course,” Ten sighed, keys now in his hand. He started down the stairs of his apartment complex, glad that he was the only person leaving at three in the morning. “Just send me your location, alright?”

“Yeah,” Yangyang agreed. His voice got quieter when he explained what was going on to whoever he was with, face inevitably turned away from the phone.

“Who are you with?” Ten wondered. He got down to the first floor, leaving out the closest door to where he was parked in the parking lot. His car was on the opposite side of the lot. It was cold enough for Ten to get chills, but more from the breeze, than anything.

Ten got into his car, taking a moment to stretch his back. He looed in the mirror to confirm that, yeah, he did look like a total mess. Lying in bed for hours would do that. At least he wasn’t going to be seen by a lot of people.

If Ten had to guess, he’d guess that Yangyang was with Guanheng. They seemed to always be together. Yangyang swore that they were just friends, but whenever Ten asked about it, Yangyang got embarrassed and wouldn’t talk about it. Ten was certain that their interactions went far beyond platonic, but Yangyang refused to say. Ten would get it out of him one day, though.

Yangyang was quiet on his end. Ten was about to as him if he’d heard, or tease him about Guanheng, when he heard the younger man sigh. “I’m with Yukhei.”

Ten stopped moving, his key frozen over the ignition. There was that name—the one that had been stuck in Ten’s head all day. “Ask Kun for a ride,” he said flatly.

Ten had spent all day wracked with anxiety about seeing Yukhei. Two years had passed without Ten so much as glancing at him. For good reason, too. He couldn’t just be thrown into seeing someone, like this.

He didn’t know what Yukhei would look like, or sound like, or how he’d be. He didn’t care if Yukhei was back to being in such a close vicinity with Ten. He didn’t care if Yukhei was taking time off of college, or if he wanted to spend all of his time with Ten’s friends. Ten hadn’t wanted to see Yukhei, he didn’t even talk about him with their friends, and that hadn’t changed. Yukhei was still someone Ten had known for years and years, and he was still someone Ten didn’t want to know at all. None of that had changed in the least.

Ten _couldn’t_ see him.

“I already tried to call him, and I tried Guanheng, too,” Yangyang said quickly. His words were rushed, worried that Ten would really back out of helping him at this hour. “You were the only person that answered. I wouldn’t even be asking if there was another option, you know that.”

Ten did know it. As awkward as it was to have all of the same friends with Yukhei, they were always so courteous about it. They didn’t try to talk about Yukhei to Ten, or ask Ten to go out with them if Ten happened to be in town over Yukhei’s winter breaks. They didn’t ask questions about Yukhei, even when Ten could tell they really wanted to know. Ten and Yukhei didn’t exist in the same world, and their friends knew that. This was truly the first time one of them had even _said_ Yukhei’s name to Ten.

Ten sighed loudly. “You’re killing me, Yangyang.” Despite his words, he started the car, pulling out of the parking lot to go find his friend and someone he knew way too much about.

“You won’t even have to look at him, or talk to him,” Yangyang promised, his voice saturated with relief. His voice was quieter, now, head turned away from the phone—turned to Yukhei. “You hear that?”

There was an indistinct sound from the other end of the phone, probably Yukhei agreeing, or questioning him, or something stupid like that.

Ten swallowed hard. “I’m on my way.”

“I’ll owe you big time, dude,” Yangyang said, “I swear.”

“Yeah,” Ten yawned. “I’ll see you soon. Send me your location.”

As it turned out, Yangyang and company had ended up in the middle of nowhere. Ten was surrounded by some old warehouses, his phone pointing him in the right direction. It was towards the outskirts of town, the moon high in the sky.

His heart was beating too loudly in his ears—he could feel his pulse at the base of his throat. The music he’d put on to calm his nerves was doing no good, it felt like it was getting louder and louder as Ten got closer to them. The night was closing in around Ten, trying to suffocate him, trying to send him closer to the man he desperately didn’t want to see.

After two years of actively avoiding Yukhei, he was about to have him in his car. He wondered if Yukhei still looked the same, with his goofy smile, and broad shoulders, and his excitable eyes. He wondered if Yukhei had gotten any taller, and if his voice still sounded the same. He wondered if Yukhei still smelled like the vanilla cupcake perfume he’d always used in secret. He mostly wondered if Yukhei had changed in two years as much as Ten had.

Yangyang was completely right: Ten didn’t have to lay one eye on Yukhei. So, he wouldn’t. He didn’t care what Yukhei looked like—it wasn’t his place to care. Yukhei was going to sit in the back of Ten’s car, and that was as far as their interaction would go.

Ten’s phone told him to turn right, into an empty road surrounded by broken down cars and abandoned buildings. Two silhouettes were visible in the moonlight, two distinct sizes. Ten could tell who they were immediately. Yangyang was skinny, and lanky, and not nearly as tall as the second person.

He pulled over in front of them, making sure to stare directly down at his steering wheel. He really didn’t want to be bothered with looking at Yukhei.

The passenger’s side door opened, Yangyang climbing into the seat. “Thank you, Ten,” he said, looking at Ten like he’d just saved his life. His eyes were half open, pink tint visible even in the dark of Ten’s car. He reeked of weed and cologne. There was no presence of the smell of vanilla cupcakes. “I’m sorry it’s so late. I’ll find a way to pay you back soon, alright?”

The rear door shut, the car’s weight rocking as he flopped into the back seat. Ten pressed on the gas, slowly pulling out of wherever the hell he was.

“It’s fine,” Ten said, glancing into his rear view mirror. So, Yukhei was blond now, too. Ten could see the side of his head, but nothing more. He had more ear piercings than he’d used to, tiny gold studs glinting in the moonlight. “I couldn’t sleep, anyway. I’d rather you be safe.”

Yangyang sat back in the seat, like he was finally allowing himself to relax. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” he asked.

There was a very terrifying part of Ten that wanted to look in his back seat. He wanted to stop the car completely, and twist around to look Yukhei right in the face. He didn’t want to say anything, he just wanted to keep looking at Yukhei until it made both of them uncomfortable, and then he wanted to keep looking at him. He wanted the familiar face to make his skin crawl and his stomach twist. He wanted to see all of the ways Yukhei had changed, beyond the ear piercings and the bleached hair. He wanted to stare, and stare, and stare, and he didn’t know why he wanted to do that. He just did.

Instead, Ten just glanced in his rearview mirror, again. “No reason,” Ten said, drawing his eyes back down to the road. “I think I had coffee too late, that’s all.”

Was it weird for Yukhei to be here, right now? Did he feel awkward to see someone he hadn’t seen in two years? Was his heart thrumming at the same pace as Ten’s right now, did he think anything of it at all? Then again, he was stoned. Even if he hadn’t been, he might not have cared in the least. Ten was probably just another stranger giving him a ride home after a crazy night. Yukhei probably didn’t eve understand why it made Ten’s hands numb with how hard he was clutching the steering wheel.

“Where am I taking you?” Ten asked, turning down the music he’d been playing. It was absurd for him to think that Yukhei even considered the fact that he was in the car with Ten.

Yangyang was picking at the skin of his lower lip with his fingernails. “My place, if that’s alright.”

The older man nodded. “That’s fine,” he said. He yawned loudly, shaking his head to keep himself from getting too tired. He wrinkled his nose at the smell. “How much did you smoke? You stink.”

Yangyang let out a small laugh. “I think we had like two bowls, but it was a while ago.”

“Well, you still smell awful,” Ten said, a small smile on his face. Yangyang laughed louder at this, hugging himself with his eyes squeezed shut. With how high Yangyang seemed, right now, Ten doubted that they’d actually smoked that long ago. He was just too high to keep track of time. “Do you want to smoke tomorrow?” After the day Ten was having, he could use a bit of relaxation. He was off work, and he desperately needed to get his mind somewhere not occupied with the person in his car.

Something about Yangyang being his stoned self really put Ten at ease. He wasn’t half as nervous as he had been all day; his heartbeat was finally at a normal pace. He’d almost forgotten about the man sitting silently in his back seat.

Yangyang took a deep breath to get himself to stop laughing so hard. He gave another soft giggle, fanning his face with his hand to calm himself. He snorted. “I’m down. Guanheng might want to hang out, but it’d be later, anyway.”

“He can join us,” Ten said, shrugging. Then, he realized that he probably wanted to hang out with _only_ Yangyang. Ten couldn’t help the snicker that left his mouth. “ _Oh_. Like booty call hours.”

“ _No_ ,” Yangyang insisted. “We’re just hanging out, stop being so weird about it.”

Ten laughed, “whatever.”

The further they got into town, the brighter the streets became. Where Yangyang had ended up, the only light was from the moon and the stars. Now, they were passing street lights, and restaurants lit up with signs, and porch lights. Ten could see around him, now, and he didn’t feel like he was driving into nothingness, the way he had when he was on his way to Yangyang. He knew where he was, finally.

Yangyang was slouching in the passenger’s seat, his hoodie pulled up over his head. He was just staring at the road, hands idly picking at his chapped lips, or fiddling with the strings on his hoodie. Ten was listening to the lyrics of the song that was playing, now, trying to remember phrases, so he could look it up, later. The world seemed alive around them, right now, but it seemed still. The world was asleep, the way Ten had wished to be for hours.

“Ten,” Yukhei said, shifting in his seat. His voice was deep as it had always been.

It sent chills down Ten’s spine.

“Hey,” Yangyang said quickly, snapping his head around to look at Yukhei. His eyes were wide, a silent warning. He reminded Ten of his mom, when Ten would make a fuss in public, and his mom would do everything in her power not to yell at him. “We agreed on this. You can talk as much as you want at my house.”

Ten turned into a neighborhood, most of the houses dark. A few of them had their porch lights on, but there was no one else in sight. As late as it was, Ten couldn’t be surprised. They were all insane for still being out. Ten couldn’t wait to get home and go to sleep. He was sure that getting some rest would make him feel better about tonight. It had to.

“Okay.”

There was something awfully pleasing about Yangyang scolding Yukhei. Ten let himself smile, just a little bit.

Yukhei’s voice was the same as it always had been. Rough, and deep, and so familiar it made Ten’s stomach churn. At the same time, it was smooth enough to melt ice, and make it trickle down Ten’s spine. It was a voice that Ten had listened to for hours on end, a voice that had made _Ten_ melt like butter. It was so easy to remember everything Yukhei had ever said to Ten, hearing just two words from him.

Ten desperately wanted to get out of this car.

It was perfect timing, too, because Ten pulled up in front of Yangyang’s house. “Alright,” Ten said, “we’re here.”

“Thank you so much,” Yangyang breathed. “I have to go inside and make sure my parents are inside. If not, you have to come through my window, alright? Yukhei, ust stay here and don’t… do anything. Okay?”

Ten could feel Yukhei nod behind him.

Yangyang scurried off into his house, definitely as stoned as he looked. His parents certainly wouldn’t be happy if they saw how high he was and how late he was getting home. But that was a problem for another time,

The inside of Ten’s car was deafeningly silent. Yukhei wasn’t saying anything, or moving, which was a surprise even to someone who hadn’t seen him in years. He must have really been putting effort into staying still and silent—Ten appreciated it. Anything more than this would make Ten throw up or cry, he was sure of it.

Ten’s hands were still on the steering wheel, music playing faintly through the speakers. Ten’s ears were ringing so loudly, he wondered if Yukhei could hear it, too. All day he’d been dreading this exact moment. It was an inevitable moment, the one where he and Yukhei were thrown together like it was nothing, like they hadn’t separated in the past years. He hadn’t known how soon it would come, he never could have expected it to be the same day he’d learned about Yukhei’s arrival. But he’d known it was coming, and he’d been terrified. They were both just sitting in the car, worlds of tension and silence making the air between them too thick to inhale. As long as neither of them said anything, Ten would be fine. This much, Ten could handle.

“Ten,” Yukhei said.

_Fuck_. It was like he could read Ten’s mind.

Yukhei was shifting in the back seat, probably so Ten could see him better. Ten didn’t _want_ to hear him, though. “Ten.”

The older man swallowed hard. He couldn’t breathe, so when he tried to respond, his voice came out small and hoarse. “Yes?” He cleared his throat. He wanted to tell Yukhei to stop talking to him, to listen to Yangyang and keep doing nothing. He could hardly talk at all, though, there was no way he’d get the words out.

“It’s been a while,” Yukhei said. His voice did seem a bit deeper that it used to, but maybe Ten had just forgotten. “You look good. Like, healthy, and happy, and all that.”

He _couldn’t_ look at Yukhei.

Ten turned his head to look at Yukhei.

Oh. Oh, god.

Ten had almost forgotten what Yukhei had looked like—had forgotten how beautiful he was. He remembered the individual features of his face, but he hadn’t been able to imagine them all together, after so long. But now, Ten was looking right at him.

Yukhei looked nervous. His eyes were flickering around the car, barely meeting Ten’s gaze for more than a second at a time. His hands were fidgeting in his lap, his body turned forward so Ten could hear him. His eyes were reflecting the lights from Yangyang’s house, and the lights on the dashboard, and Ten’s headlights. Ten didn’t understand how someone’s eyes could reflect so much at once, there was no way it should have been possible. Yukhei’s eyes were probably reflecting Ten, too, but Ten wasn’t going to lean in to look. Even if he wanted to.

He was blond now, almost platinum. His was several shades lighter than Ten’s was, and it made his skin look even more tan than it usually did. He’d always tanned so easily in the summer, Ten wondered if that was the case, now. His hair almost looked white against his skin. His skin had always been so soft, Ten was sure it was no different, now.

He looked like he was _glowing_. From his pale hair, to his round eyes, to the lips drawn down in a line. He was wearing a white t-shirt, his favourite shark tooth necklace resting between his collar bones. He was the same colour as the moon, but he seemed brighter. Yukhei was beyond words. He always had been.

Ten hadn’t expected him to look so similar to how he had. He was prettier, if that was possible, but he was still Yukhei. His arched eyebrows, and perfect nose, and ridiculous lips, and his sharp jawline were all the same as they’d always been. His face was enticing, Ten couldn’t look away, now.

It felt like there was something gnawing through Ten’s bones and his stomach. He didn’t know how to respond—he couldn’t even move. He just kept staring at Yukhei, like he was trying to get the imprint of the moon stuck to the back of his eyelids. At this rate, he’d see Yukhei’s face even when he closed his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Yukhei asked, eyes scanning Ten’s face. He wasn’t even _phased_ by talking to Ten. He was talking to him like they were old friends, meeting up after going about their own lives. It was nothing like that, for Ten. They weren’t even friends; they hadn’t been for a long time. Yukhei didn’t even _care_.

Ten realized how long he’d been silent for. He probably looked scared out of his mind, but only because he was. Ten really felt like he was going to throw up. “I just don’t know what to say,” he all but whispered.

What _could_ he say?

He couldn’t tell Yukhei that he didn’t want to be here with him, right now. He couldn’t tell him that he hadn’t wanted to see him tonight, or any night thereafter. He couldn’t tell Yukhei that the sight of his face and the sound of his voice was so beautiful it could make him cry, but that it made him want to open his door and throw up outside of it. He couldn’t possibly explain to Yukhei that he wanted out of this car, and to run, and run, until he was far away from him. Yukhei wouldn’t understand any of it. The way he was talking to Ten so causally was just proof of that. This was nothing more than another encounter, to Yukhei. But for Ten, it was the earth opening up and swallowing him.

“That’s okay,” Yukhei said softly. The last time Ten had heard his tone this soft, Ten had been crying. They both had been. “It’s good to see you.”

Ten took a deep, shaky breath. “Dejun told me that you were back.”

The corner of Yukhei’s lips quirked up. “Yeah, I am.” He ran a hand through his hair, eyes glued to Ten’s face. Ten’s hair was a mess from lying in bed for so long, and he looked exhausted. He didn’t want Yukhei to look at him, anymore. He didn’t want to look at Yukhei, either. “And I know you probably don’t want to talk to me, and that’s fine. I understand. But I wanted to apologize for what happened, back… you know.”

He was _apologizing_? One of the first things Yukhei thinks to say to him, is that he’s fucking _sorry_? Ten’s lips parted in disbelief. “I know,” he said. He remembered everything. Which was why he couldn’t _believe_ Yukhei thought an apology was good enough.

Yukhei was looking directly at Ten, his dark eyes unmoving. “I’m sorry.”

There was a knock on the window, making both of them jump. Yangyang motioned to Yukhei to follow him, unaware of everything that had happened in the past few minutes.

Yukhei opened his door, halfway stepping out of it. He looked at Ten, like he was expecting a response, or a acceptance of his apology. His eyes were wide, expectant. He wanted something from Ten, from the person he hadn’t uttered a word to in over two years.

Ten just shook his head, lips still parted. “I can’t—”

Yukhei’s expression fell, lips and eyebrows lowering at Ten’s words. He bit his lower lip, eyes flickering between Yangyang and Ten. His voice was so soft, Ten nearly couldn’t make his words out. He had to watch his lips to understand what he was saying. “I’m really sorry, Ten.”

Ten swallowed hard, shaking his head once again.

Yukhei left the car, following Yangyang up to his house.

Ten exhaled loudly, pulling out of Yangyang’s driveway. Well, so much for avoiding Yukhei. Ten’s vision was blurry. He couldn’t believe Yukhei had apologized. After all of this time. He’d just _apologized_.

There was too much going on in Ten’s head, right now. He couldn’t think straight.

If Ten had to pull over on the side of the road because he was crying too hard to see the road, that was no ones business but his own.


	2. 10:56 PM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was something about everything that Yukhei did that made him so, so hard to look away from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! Real quick before you read this chapter, I just want to let everyone know that I changed the first chapter completely! I wasn't at all satisfied with the work I had done, so I completely rewrote the first chapter. I'd suggest giving that one a read if you haven't already, otherwise you literally won't understand what's going on in this one!
> 
> As for the second chapter, it's setting up everyone's characters and dynamics, so even though it's a bit uneventful, I hope you don't find it boring :))
> 
> Thank you, and enjoy!

The universe seemed to really be after Ten.

He’d spilled coffee on his brand new shirt this morning, he’d only gotten about two hours of sleep, and now he was supposed to be hanging out with all of his friends. But Yukhei was here.

Ten and his close friends hung out every couple of weeks, or whenever their schedules gave them time to. They all worked, or went to school, so it was hard to find time to get together and have a good time. And now that they did have time, they’d invited _Yukhei_. Of all people.

They were all at Kun’s house, most of them carrying on like they always did. Dejun, Yangyang, and Guanheng were hanging out by the window so they could smoke. They would hit the blunt and poorly blow the smoke into the window’s screen. Ten was sure most of the smoke was staying in the living room with them. Yangyang kept shotgunning Dejun right in front of Guanheng, but it wasn’t Ten’s business, so he simply looked away. Kun was on the couch next to his boyfriend, Sicheng, his arms wrapped around him. They were practically smashing Ten into the couch just by being affectionate, and they didn’t even notice. Kun kept calling Sicheng cute and hugging him so hard he fell onto the other side of the couch, also known as Ten’s lap.

Ten hadn’t even known that Yukhei was going to be there. If he had, he wouldn’t have shown up—he was sure his friends would understand. But he’d taken the time to look cute and put on a bit of makeup, since he and his friends always took a million pictures when they were together. What a waste of lipgloss.

Yukhei was here. He was with Yangyang, Guanheng, and Dejun, just on the other side of the room. He was in Ten’s car last weekend, and now he was in the same room as Ten. Nothing about this seemed fair, Ten shouldn’t have had to be near Yukhei, if he didn’t want to. He spent two years purposefully away from Yukhei, but all of a sudden that didn’t seem to matter. He kept having to see the younger man, like the two years and everything leading up to them didn’t have any say on the current events. And Yukhei kept _looking_ at Ten, like he expected something from him. It was the same look he’d given Ten in the car, begging him to accept his apology. Ten wanted to tell Yukhei to quit looking at him.

Both Ten and Yukhei had worn red, and it was making Ten want to go home and change, if not leave altogether. Ten was in his favourite silky red button up, Yukhei in a red t-shirt. It really was typical of both their styles. Ten just wished they hadn’t been matching. Even though it was unlikely that anyone but Ten noticed at all.

Yukhei looked good, too. Ten was really doing his best not to look at him, but he couldn’t deny that he looked good. He was wearing glasses that reflected blue when they caight the light of Kun’s house. The red made his lips look more pigmented, not that any more attention needed to be drawn to his lips. Now that Ten was looking at him standing up, he did look taller. He towered over everyone in the house by quite a bit.

Ten wished he could stop looking at Yukhei. After the first time he’d looked at him in his car, his mind didn’t seem to want to stop looking at Yukhei. It was honestly exhausting.

“Do you wanna hit this, Ten?” Yangyang asked from across the room. He was holding a blunt between his index finger and thumb, his hand extended out towards Ten.

Ten looked at the blunt, considering this. On one hand, he did have to drive home later. On the other hand, if he wanted to hang out with his friends—which he did—he needed to chill out and not worry so much about Yukhei. If he could just get high and enjoy hanging out with five of the people here, he’d be set.

Ten shoved his phone in his pocket, standing up from where he’d been partially lodged under Sicheng on the couch. “Sure,” he agreed, walking up and standing right in front of Yukhei. Well, maybe Ten’s makeup job hadn’t been for nothing. Good lord, he was tall. But Ten wasn’t looking at him, he was looking at Yangyang and the blunt, so he wasn’t bothered. Except he was standing so close to Yukhei he could feel his body heat.

“Here you go,” Yangyang said, handing the blunt to Ten.

There was a sudden realization that Ten was about to put his mouth on something Yukhei’s lips had just touched. Everyone’s lips had been on it, by now, but it was like Ten could see the burning hot imprint of Yukhei’s lips on the end of the blunt. There was also a possibility that Yukhei’s lips would be right back on it when Ten was finished. Their lips would meet on this paper, over and over again. Ten usually didn’t care about indirect kissing, or whatever Sicheng called it when he refused to share a drink with Ten, but this was different. This was with Yukhei.

Ten closed his eyes as he put the blunt to his lips, in fear that he’d look up at Yukhei’s mouth while he was inhaling. The burning smoke invaded his senses, tickling his nose and burning the back of his throat. Still, he managed to exhale it smoothly, only coughing a little bit afterwards.

“Who wants it?” he asked, holding it out in front of him.

Yukhei’s fingers delicately took the blunt from Ten, his fingers barely brushing against the older man’s. “I’ll take it,” he said. Ten drew his eyes up to Yukhei’s face, the place he wanted his eyes to be the least. Yukhei’s lips made contact with the rolling paper, soft and absentmindedly. Ten could feel Yukhei’s lips on his, all over again. His lips were always soft and warm, and he probably tasted like smoke and watermelon flavoured gum. He kissed like he was trying to fold flower petals with his lips, and he held the blunt between his lips all the same. He inhaled, watching Yangyang talk about some girl’s tinder profile, eyes creased in amusement. Ten had almost forgotten what Yukhei had looked like, in the past two years. Standing here, looking at Yukhei’s face, he could remember everything about him so clearly.

Ten felt too warm, too claustrophobic. He was standing far too close to Yukhei. “I need a drink,” he said, looking up at his friends. Not at the man that was radiating heat like he was on fire.

“Will you get me something strong?” Guanheng asked, taking the blunt from Yukhei.

Ten snorted. “I was going to get water or something. Just come with me.” Ten really didn’t want to get too messed up, tonight. He wanted to, so he could stop thinking about Yukhei and his stupid mouth, but he couldn’t. He had to drive, and he had to keep himself in line. Even though he didn’t have to work the next day, he still didn’t want to be hungover. Just because Yukhei was here didn’t mean Ten needed to get drunk. He could handle being in the same room as Yukhei. That much, he was capable of.

Guanheng nodded, blowing smoke in Yangyang’s face and handing the blunt to Dejun. Ten made sure not to look up at Yukhei while he walked away.

Kun’s kitchen was barely big enough to fit both of them comfortably, so Ten sat on top of the counter. Guanheng was looking through Kun’s fridge for something to drink. There were beers that the both of them disregarded quickly—beer was more of Kun’s thing. Ten wanted something that tasted good.

“I’m surprised you’re still here,” Guanheng said, pulling a bottle of green apple vodka out of the freezer.

Ten was surprised, too. He’d almost left when Yukhei walked through the front door. “Why is that?” he asked. If he got his way, they wouldn’t even acknowledge Yukhei. Maybe Guanheng thought he wanted to leave for other reasons.

Guanheng poured Ten about four shots worth of the vodka. Ten was certain he’d throw up if he drank all of it at once. His body could only handle so much pure vodka. “Well, it’s been a while since you and Yukhei have been in the same room.”

Ten’s self-control chose that moment to fly out the window. He swallowed as much of the drink a he could, repressing a shudder at the taste. “Actually, he was in my car a few nights ago.” Which didn’t make anything better, really. Ten just felt like pointing it out.

“What?” Guanheng asked, eyes wide. “Why was he in your car? Did you guys make up?” He poured himself a shot glass of the vodka and knocked it back in one go.

Ten pursed his lips. “No, I don’t want to talk to him. I just had to give he and Yangyang a ride at three in the morning because I didn’t want them getting mugged, or something.” Not that anyone would be dumb enough to try to hard a six-foot man and his twink friend in the middle of the night. Ten had just wanted them to be safe.

“Is that why Yang called me at like two in the morning?” Guanheng asked, eyes wide. He was wearing a white button up that he was desperately trying to not spill green vodka all over. He held his hand under his chin as he took another shot, even though Ten was certain that Guanheng was experienced enough in taking shots not to spill all over his face.

“Of course,” Ten sighed, recalling how high Yangyang had been and how late it was. “They got high and got lost outside of town. Naturally, I was the one who had to go find them and give them a ride to Yangyang’s house.”

Guanheng squeezed his eyes shut as he swallowed the shot. “Oh, Yangyang,” he said. Really, what a way for Yangyang to be. It wasn’t even surprising, at this point. Guanheng fiddled with the gold necklace resting between his collar bones, long finger nails painted with a shiny clear coat. “If I’d been awake I would have totally given them a ride.”

“It’s fine,” Ten assured, sipping more of the vodka. It burned his tongue and made his mouth water, but he swallowed the feeling down quickly. “I just hate being around him after what happened, you know?” He was sure all of his friends remembered when it had happened. It was like their constant state of being had cracked in two. It was a big deal, especially back then. Now, all of their friends had to pick and choose who to hang out with. Not tonight, apparently, but every other night before this one.

“I think that’s fair,” Guanheng agreed.

Ten downed the rest of his drink. Getting drunk didn’t seem like such a bad idea, now that he was talking about Yukhei. He could feel the alcohol hot in his chest, like it was burning a hole down to his stomach. “He tried to talk to me, too. He apologized.”

A grimace crossed Guanheng’s face. “He _what_? What did he say?”

Ten rolled his eyes. “You know, classic Yukhei stuff. He basically just said he’s sorry for what happened. Which is total bullshit, right? You can’t just disappear for two years and come back expecting me to forgive you.”

Guanheng nodded his head so much Ten thought it was going to fall off. “I can’t believe neither of them told me that happened.”

“I figured Yangyang would have told you,” Ten said. He figured Yangyang told him everything during their booty calls, or whatever it was. He and Yangyang hung out way too much for Yangyang to conveniently keep his mouth closed about this type of thing.

Guanheng knocked back his fourth shot of the night. He and Ten were going to get so messed up, so quickly. It was inevitable, at this point. “Did you say anything to him?”

“Not really,” Ten admitted. “I think he wanted me to forgive him but enough time hasn’t passed for me to just let it go. I can’t even be around him, yet.”

He especially didn’t want Yukhei trying to talk to him, again. He didn’t know what Yukhei could possibly say to him, at this point, but he didn’t doubt Yukhei’s ability to talk until everyone was sick of it. He didn’t know how he would respond, no matter what it was. Yukhei could ask Ten his favourite colour and Ten would probably ask him why he thought he deserved to know something like that. Or Ten would just say nothing, because talking to Yukhei made Ten feel like he was going to cry. Either way, Ten did not want to talk to him. The two of them had nothing to talk about.

Guanheng took Ten’s cup, shaking it in question. Ten shook his head. He’d had enough vodka for the entire night; any more of it would surely do him no good. “I can try to keep him away from you, if that helps.”

Ten stuck his lips out in a pout. Sometimes, his friends were far too nice to him. “You don’t have to do that,” he said, wrapping his arms around Guanheng’s shoulders in a hug. Guanheng looked disgusted, but he didn’t stop Ten from doing it. “Thank you. Enough about me, though, are you and Yangyang hooking up? He won’t tell me because he’s a demon and he doesn’t love me.”

Guanheng laughed, “he really is a demon, isn’t he?”

Ten used his hold on the younger man to shake him around. “Answer my question,” he pleaded. “I won’t tell him you told me, I promise.”

Guanheng shook his head, long hair whipping Ten in the face. “I can’t say anything,” he said, basically confirming Ten’s suspicions. “Even if we _were_ doing anything, I think he likes Dejun.”

Ten looked to where Yangyang was shotgunning Dejun, their lips close. Yukhei was just standing there talking, like there was nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe this is what they all did when they hung out without Ten. There was no way for him to know. “They are being weird, tonight.” Everyone was being weird tonight, though. Including Ten. “If Yangyang likes Dejun, though, why would he be fooling around with someone else? Theoretically, of course.”

The younger man just shrugged. “Good dick?”

A gasp was forced out of Ten. “Oh my god, _Hendery_!” Ten yelled the nickname loudly, smacking him on the arm. He grabbed his arm in pain, acting like he’d just been shot. “I can’t believe you would say something like that to my virgin ears.”

Guanheng laughed, at that. “As if.”

Ten was about to give a very clever rebuttal, but Kun interrupted them by putting his hands on their shoulders. “What’s up, guys? What’re we talking about?”

Guanheng spoke before Ten had a chance to do so much as open his mouth. “Sex,” he said, eyes flickering between Ten and Kun. “We were talking about sex.”

There was a puzzled look on Ten’s face that was quickly replaced with a smile. “Oh, nice. I had sex this morning.”

Ten could see Sicheng bury his face in his hands, still sitting on the couch behind Kun.

Ten wrinkled his nose. “How nice to know,” he said flatly. At first sight, Kun seemed like a respectable young gentleman that held doors open for people and discussed philosophy with his close friends. While he _did_ hold doors open for people, he also loved to overshare about his sex life with Sicheng. It was usually far too much information and somehow still very cute. Ten was not a fan.

Kun smiled wider. “It was delightful.”

Sicheng groaned, throwing himself back onto the couch. “Kun, please stop talking.”

The older man laughed, picking up the bottle of green vodka. “Alright, my love,” he said, eyes creasing with his smile. “Are we doing shots?”

Guanheng nodded, still looking grossed out by their friend. “Yeah, Ten and I already did about four.” He slid the shot glass towards Kun, eyebrows raised. Ten cocked his head to the side, challenging the older man. “Wanna catch up with us?”

Green liquid filled the tiny glass, splashing a bit on the counter. “I guess I should,” Kun shrugged, knocking one back. He turned to look into the living room. “Does anyone want to do shots with us?” he asked.

“Oh, hell yeah,” Yangyang said, handing the blunt to Dejun and scurrying into the kitchen. Sicheng followed the younger man, standing close to Kun with a smile on his face.

Dejun looked confused, blunt in his hand. He took a drag off of it, thick eyebrows furrowing as he did. He offered the blunt to Yukhei, coughing as he exhaled smoke. He started towards the rest of the group excitedly, welcome by Yangyang pulling him into the mass of people. Maybe Yangyang did like Dejun, Ten really couldn’t tell. It wasn’t like Yangyang was open about that sort of thing, either.

Yukhei took a pull off of the blunt. His hands made the blunt look even smaller than it was, lodged between his ling index and middle fingers. He made everything in the room look small, just by standing there. Yukhei’s eyes found Ten in the crowd, dark even behind his blue tinted glasses. Ten quickly looked away.

“Yukhei, are you coming?” Kun asked, shotglass ready in his hand.

Yukhei put one hand up, shaking his head while he exhaled smoke. “I’m not drinking tonight, I have to work tomorrow morning.” Yukhei had been back for a week, and he already had a job? He’d always had such good luck with stuff like that just because he was handsome. No one wanted to tell him no.

“I have to work, too,” Yangyang pointed out. Ten didn’t know how to tell him that an adult toy shop probably wouldn’t mind too much if he was hungover for his shift. Ten knew how many times Yangyang had gone to work stoned, it was never an issue. Yukhei probably got some pretty-boy job with a uniform, and lockers, and all of that. It was different.

Kun brought the glass up to his lips. “Suit yourself. Is everyone ready?”

Ten laughed at how eager everyone was to get drunk. Not that Ten could talk, he’d already drank enough to not need to do a shot with everyone. Still, Guanheng poured him a shot and handed it to him, and Ten just shrugged. If Guanheng could handle doing another shot, so could he.

“Okay,” Sicheng said, looking around the room. He’d gotten stuck with the drinking out of the bottle, so he was clutching the whole thing in his hand. He looked excited, lips quirked up in a smile. “Let’s do this.”

“Cheers,” Yangyang said, tilting his head back so he could down the shot. Everyone else followed quickly, Ten and Guanheng clinking glasses before they took their fifth shot of the night. Sicheng had to hold the bottle up with two hands o be able to drink properly, and he’d managed to spill all over his t-shirt while he did. Dejun gagged loudly as soon as he finished, making Yangyang laugh.

Yukhei was still on the other side of the room by the window, smoking by himself. He was smiling at all of the noise his friends were making, though. Ten almost felt bad that Yukhei was staying over there—mostly because Ten was the likely cause. But Ten had stood right next to Yukhei to smoke. If Yukhei really wanted to come over here, he would. That couldn’t be totally blamed on Ten.

Ten was already starting to feel the affects of the weed and alcohol in his system. His head felt cloudy and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion around him. His friends were laughing around him, yelling and bumping into him, but he hardly noticed. He was too busy staring at Yukhei blow smoke out of his nose to even recognize who had just bumped into him. There was something about everything that Yukhei did that made him so, so hard to look away from. Everything he did was so pretty, and it made Ten so mad. The last person on earth he should have thought was pretty was Yukhei.

After everything that had happened between the two of them, Ten shouldn’t have thought Yukhei was pretty. He shouldn’t have even been looking at him. He knew that, too, but he couldn’t. He blamed it on the alcohol entering his body.

Once again, Yukhei’s eyes met Ten’s. He cocked his head to the side in question, his expression perking up as he noticed that Ten was still staring at him. Ten seemed frozen in place, like there was nothing he could do to get himself to look away from the man in front of him.

Ten pursed his lips and shook his head. It was nothing. It was really nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all enjoyed the new first chapter and my second chapter!! Please leave a comment or kudos to let me know how you liked this chapter!


	3. 4:27 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was pretty enough to make Ten want to give him whatever he wanted. That had always been the problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm sorry this chapter took so long to post, but it's finally here. This was not proofread or beta'd at all so I'm sure there are tons of mistakes, which I apologize for. I hope you're all enjoying this fic, and I hope you continue to enjoy it as I expand it and develop the story more! Thank you for reading~

Ten was drunk. Undeniably, very obviously fucked up. And he was having a _blast._

He’d kept doing shots throughout the night, almost every time one of his friends suggested doing them. The alcohol was making him feel good, like nothing outside of the fuzzy way his body ws feeling mattered. So, of course he’d keep doing shots. He’d held back on doing sots off of Guanheng, though. That wasn’t really his thing.

He was currently sandwiched between Dejun and Sicheng, arguing loudly with Yangyang about an anime they’d both watched. There was a drink still in Ten’s hand. He didn’t remember what was in the cup—something bright green—but he was doing his best not to spill it on himself or his friends. Not that Sicheng even noticed when a few drops of it spilled over the edge of the cup and onto his tan pants. Everyone at the party was a bit too sloshed to care about things like that.

“You don’t even know what you’re saying,” Ten yelled, hand flailing in Yangyang’s general direction. “How could he possibly have been in love with him? The whole show was about him liking the girl.” Ten was well aware that he was yelling—it was something that happened every time he was drunk. He couldn’t manage to keep his voice down, no matter how hard he tried or wanted to. So, here he was, yelling about anime.

Yukhei was sitting with Kun and Guanheng, laughing about something Ten was surely too drunk to understand. Yukhei’s eyes were half-lidded and tinted pink, his smile spread wide across his face. He wasn’t looking at Ten nearly as much as he’d looked at him at the beginning of the night. Or maybe he was, but Ten was drunk and he didn’t notice every time it happened. Ten was doing his best not to look at Yukhei, but he didn’t have a lot of self-control, at the moment. If Yukhei giggled loudly, what was Ten supposed to do but look?

Yangyang was standing in the middle of the room, shaking his head quickly. “No way,” he said loudly. “They were just friends, trust me. He was in love with the glasses guy, they made it so obvious.”

“No, they didn’t,” Ten scoffed. “He jumped off of a bridge for her, remember?”

Yangyang’s nose wrinkled. “In a friend way,” he said, earning a loud groan from Ten. “He and the other guy were friends for years, they had that whole drawn out romance. What do you think all of the flashbacks of them were for?”

Unfortunately, Yangyang had a point. The scenes he was talking about were subtextually rather homoromantic. But Ten was still right. “I don’t even want to talk to you anymore, you clearly didn’t watch the right show.”

Yangyang made a show of rolling his eyes, and took a sip of his drink. “You’re being heteronormative.”

“Oh my god,” Ten said, pushing himself up off of the couch. It proved to be harder than Ten had expected, his cup rattling in his hand and spilling liquid down his front. “Fuck,” he said, looking down at the dark spots on his shirt. He downed the rest of the cup, just so he wouldn’t spill any more of it. The best part of being drunk was that alcohol no longer tasted bad. “I would kick your ass for that, but I have to go save my shirt. Count yourself lucky.”

Yangyang snorted, “sure,” and plopped down where Ten had been sitting.

Ten waved his hand at Kin as he was walking to the bathroom. “I’ll be right back,” he mumbled. Walking was hard. The world seemed to be tilted to the side, so Ten’s hands were running along all of the walls to keep himself from falling. Ten felt a bit dizzy from walking, so as soon as he got into the bathroom he leaned on the counter with both hands.

While he was trying to get the room to stop spinning, he looked at himself in the mirror. He definitely looked drunk, there was no denying that. His eyes were dark and glassy, staring right back at him. There were dark circles under his eyes, or maybe it was the mascara he’d been wearing. His lip gloss was no longer, and his hair was kind of a mess, so he pat it down with one hand. He’d wanted to look nice tonight, to show everyone that he was better than ever. He wanted to look even better than he felt, but he looked worse. He looked rough, especially with his shirt covered in booze.

Which brought him back to his main focus. He grabbed a washcloth from under Kun’s sink, wetting it with cold water. He started dabbing at his shirt. Green was colouring the washcloth, but there were still dark stains on the silky fabric. Ten undid a couple buttons so he could get his hand on the inside of it, wiping at the liquid from the other side of his shirt.

The bathroom door opened, but Ten was too preoccupied with his shirt to turn and look who it was.

“Do you have to pee?” Ten asked, scrubbing at his shirt. “I’ll be done in a second, I just don’t want my shirt to stain.”

“No, it’s okay,” a deep voice said. Yukhei. Of course it was Yukhei. “I’m just checking on you, even though our friends told me not to.”

Ten had smart friends. He narrowed his eyes, looking at Yukhei through the mirror. “Why are you doing that?” he asked. His hand had stilled from washing his shirt, but he could feel water soaking through to his skin.

There was a small smile on Yukhei’s face that Ten didn’t understand in the least. His eyes were squinty from smoking, but his gaze was on Ten’s face. “Well, you’re really drunk,” he pointed out. Ten rolled his eyes. “I just wanted to make sure that you’re doing alright.”

The shorter man turned so he could look Yukhei straight in the face. Yukhei was a lot closer than Ten had realized; close enough to kiss, if Ten only leaned up a bit. Yukhei was right, Ten _was_ drunk. And _not_ doing alright, if he was thinking about kissing Yukhei. “I’m fine,” he assured. He set the washcloth on the edge of the sink. “I don’t need you taking care of me.”

The sides of Yukhei’s lips pulled down, a bit. “I know you don’t, Ten.” Ten used this time to button his shirt back up. He didn’t feel like it was appropriate to have half of his body showing, with Yukhei this close to him. The room was spinning faster than Ten could keep up with, but Yukhei was staying still. He was unmoving, the background whirring behind him, still looking at Ten through his reflection in the mirror. “I just wanted to make sure.”

He didn’t want to be talking to Yukhei, right now. He should have stayed quiet, like he’d done before—but he was too intoxicated to stop himself.

“Well, don’t,” Ten said. He could hardly remember what this conversation was about, or even register what he was saying. His mouth was just automatically responding, even without meaning to. His words were slurring, and he had to keep blinking hard to get the room to stop twisting all around Yukhei, like he was having a nightmare. “Listen to your friends.”

Yukhei leaned against the frame of the door, planting himself there. The room seemed to tilt the opposite way it had been; Ten had to grip the sink to keep from falling backwards. “Blond suits you.”

Ten couldn’t remember why Yukhei was here, right now. He didn’t remember him showing up, or why they were talking. It felt like years ago, when they could go to parties together. Except this time, Ten wasn’t smiling at him.

Ten’s whole body felt like it was on fire. He was too warm, even with the damp fabric of his shirt cooling. There was a feeling in his chest that he couldn’t quite place. He felt about fifty degrees too hot. Was this because of the compliment? He didn’t know what to say, so he just said “we match.” Both blond, both wearing red. Ten didn’t feel too well.

Yukhei nodded. “I guess we do.” He crossed his arms over his chest, muscles shifting under tan skin. Ten was trying not to notice, but he had a bad feeling that he was staring wide-eyed at Yukhei’s arms. “You look nice tonight.”

His stomach hurt, and it seemed to get worse with every compliment from Yukhei. Hs chest hurt, too, the same way it had been every time he was in too close of a proximity with Yukhei. It felt like Ten couldn’t keep his eyes open, even though he was trying hard not to close them. He could taste his own spit, and it tasted like vodka and tequila, and something very unpleasant. Ten was not a fan.

“Can you get out?” he asked, voice strained.

“What?” Yukhei asked. “Because of the compliment? I was just trying to be honest; you’ve always looked good in red, and you look good now, I wasn’t trying to—”

Ten swallowed hard, a feeling of dread creeping up his throat. “I think I’m going to be sick,” he explained quickly. _Not_ because of Yukhei’s compliment. At least, he hoped not. He didn’t care about the compliment.

“Oh,” Yukhei said, standing up straight. “Shit.”

Ten didn’t know what was going on. One moment he was washing his shirt, then he was flipping the toilet seats up and his body was getting rid of all of the alcohol he’d consumed all night. And Yukhei was there.

Maybe Ten was just having a really, really bad dream.

Ten didn’t know what was going on, but there was a bitter taste on his tongue and he was looking down at the toilet seat.

Ten didn’t know what time it was—he hardly knew where he was, anymore. The room was spinning too fast for Ten to figure it out, right now. His skin felt cold, and his face was dotted with beads of sweat.

There was a hand on his back, warming his skin through his shirt. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice so deep Ten could feel the vibrations of it in his back.

Ten nodded, head heavy. “I’m okay,” he said. His voice felt detached, all raspy and too soft. He was confused. He was sitting on the floor, cool tiles under his hands.

The hand on his back moved, running his skin through his shirt. “Do you feel better now?” he asked.

His vision was blurry, but he could make out the toilet seat in front of him. “I feel fine,” Ten said honestly. Besides the horrid taste in his mouth, he felt totally fine. He didn’t know why Yukhei was asking. He blinked hard, trying to put the room in focus. “I’m a little too drunk,” he admitted.

Ten’s body started to sway to the side, threatening to fall over, so Yukhei stilled him. He put a hand on Ten’s shoulder, holding him upright. “Yeah, I think you are too, Ten.” He had such a nice voice. Ten had always thought so. He wanted to close his eyes and listen to it with no distractions. “It’s okay, though. Everyone else is really drunk, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Yukhei was talking so softly. There weren’t a lot of times Ten had heard his voice so soft—Yukhei was generally such a loud person. The first time he’d heard it was moments before Yukhei had kissed him for the first time. Ten didn’t want to think about that.

“I think I want to go home,” Ten said, getting himself into a kneeling position. “Wait, I think I’m going to be sick again.”

Yukhei’s hand pat between Ten’s shoulder blades. “That’s okay,” he reassured. His voice sounded like honey, and heat, and everything Ten wanted to drown himself in, right now. “Get it all out of your system.

That much, Ten certainly did. He threw up so much his throat hurt, and there was nothing left for his body to give. He was so exhausted by the time he was finished, he let his face rest against the toilet seat. He was too out of it to feel disgusted.

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the spinning of the room. “I’m just going to stay here for a moment,” he said quietly.

The hand on his back made Ten feel a lot less like he was going to die from puking his guts out. “I’m going to go get you some water, okay?”

Ten didn’t _want_ water, he wanted gum and sleep, but he gave a thumbs up, anyway. He couldn’t nod with his head on the toilet, and if he opened his mouth to talk he’d probably just throw up again. A thumbs up would have to suffice.

The bathroom door opened up, so Ten opened his eyes just enough to see Kun’s slippers He’d half been hoping to see Yukhei, but that was just because he was drunk out of his mind.

“Are you going to be okay?” Kun asked. Ten could smell vodka on him, and it made him want to hurl again. When Ten moved his eyes up, he was that Kun wasn’t wearing a shirt. Party antics, of course.

“I’m fine,” Ten assured, closing his eyes again.

Kun’s feet audibly shuffled on the floor. “Do you want to stay over? I’m pretty sure that everyone else is, we’re all too drunk to drive.”

Puking in front of people was embarrassing. If he could be alone and away from everyone, he’d be a lot more at peace. “I just want to go home,” Ten slurred. Even if that meant that Yukhei—of all people—took him home.

“I’m just making sure that you’re okay with everything that’s happening. With Yukhei.”

“It’s okay, I promise,” Ten said. “I’m sorry for puking in your house.”

Kun chuckled, “it’s okay.”

The bathroom door squeaked open. Ten wished he hadn’t been so relieved that it was Yukhei. “Here’s some water,” he said. Ten opened his eyes and took the water bottle from Yukhei, the plastic crinkling in his hand. It was cold, and it felt good against his skin. “Do you think you could try to drink the whole thing?” he asked gently.

“I’ll leave you two alone, I guess,” Kun said, slippers sliding against the tiles of the bathroom of the floor. When he spoke next, his voice was quieter, directed away from Ten. “Take care of him, okay? Just get him home and text me when you do.”

As it seemed to be tonight, Yukhei’s voice was soft. “Of course,” he agreed. “I’m just trying to take care of him.”

“I know,” Kun said. “But it’s complicated, you know that.”

Yukhei was quiet, for a moment. Ten was fairly certain he wasn’t going to remember any of this tomorrow. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to remember any of this. His face was on a toilet seat and he was letting Yukhei take care of him. It wasn’t ideal. “I know,” Yukhei finally said.

The bathroom door shut, and it was just the two of them again.

“Tomorrow, when I’m not wasted,” Ten said, pressing the water bottle to the side of his neck. “I don’t want to talk about this at all.”

“Sure,” Yukhei said. He sat cross legged next to Ten, long legs bent at an awkward angle. He was giving a close-lipped smile, the expression to polite on his face. “Just drink your water, okay?”

The thought of drinking water made Ten want to cry. “I don’t want tom” he whined, moving from his place on the toilet seat.

One corner of Yukhei’s mouth quirked up, eyes still on Ten’s face. “If you drink half of it now, I’ll take you home,” he said, brushing some of the damp hair off of Ten’s forehead.

Ten sat up, eyes narrowed at Yukhei. “Fine,” he said, clumsy hands fumbling to unscrew the cap. The room was spinning quickly, but Yukhei didn’t seem to budge, so looking at him helped. He wrinkled his nose at the taste of the water mixing with the tastes he already had in his mouth. But he drank all of it.

He didn’t remember going through Kun’s living room, or going out to Yukhei’s car, but he remembered Yukhei trying to help him into it.

Large hands were on Ten’s ribs, Yukhei practically holding him up so he could get inside. The floor of his car was about a foot off of the ground, so it’d been a real struggle to get in.

Ten had flopped into the seat, body relaxing at the soft cushioning. It was completely dark outside, the cool air a relief to Ten’s sweaty skin.

Yukhei was looking up at him, his face still close to Ten’s. His hair looked soft, glowing the same colour as the moon Ten couldn’t see. “You can buckle yourself, right?” he asked.

Ten rolled his eyes—or tried to, at least. He wasn’t sure it had the effect he’d intended, because Yukhei laughed. “Yeah, I can buckle myself.”

The ride back to Ten’s house was mostly silent. Ten couldn’t get his mind to come up with anything that wasn’t about how Yukhei was a bastard, or how good he looked in red. A bastard that looked good in red. Yeah, that about summed it up.

Ten didn’t know what he would say to Yukhei, anyway. Not while he was drunk, and Yukhei was being far nicer to him than he needed to be. He couldn’t get mad about what had happened before Yukhei had gone off to college. Not while Yukhei was being so kind. And he hadn’t seen him in so long, there was nothing to make conversation about. Yukhei was a stranger, giving Ten a ride home after he’d gotten fucked up.

Ten needed to accept that Yukhei was a stranger, after all.

“Um,” Ten said. The fresh air from being outside was making Ten feel more sober than he’d felt in hours. He wanted to thank Yukhei for being so nice when Ten was as drunk as he was. He wanted to tell Yukhei that he’d always been such a giving person, even when he wasn’t trying to be. He wanted to thank Yukhei for taking care od him like he’d used to. Ten’s words came out in a rush of breath. “You look good in red.”

_Not_ what he’d meant to say. Ten buried his face in his hands. Was it too late to get out of the car and walk home?

Yukhei’s face split into a smile that he was definitely trying to hold back. If Ten had known any better, he would have thought that Yukhei had turned pink. “Thank you,” Yukhei said in a small voice.

Ten didn’t need any more proof that a silent ride home was the best route.

“I’m glad you still live in the same place,” Yukhei said, his car turning onto the road Ten’s place was on.

The older man bit the inside of his cheek. “You remember it?” he asked. The water Yukhei had made him drink was getting crushed in his hand. It had helped clear Ten’s head more than he could have hoped for.

Yukhei’s eyes were directed towards Ten’s place, lips turned down. “Of course I do,” he said. “Ten, I—” His words stopped in his throat, and he closed his mouth. His lips parted, and he sighed. “Never mind,” he said with a shake of his head.

“What?” Ten asked, thoroughly confused.

“It’s nothing,” he said, giving another tight-lipped smile. His car slowed to a stop in front of Ten’s building. “We’re here.”

Yukhei pulled his keys out of the car and hopped out of his side. He opened Ten’s door for him, practically lifting Ten right out of his seat. Now that Ten was slowly but surely sobering up, being this clos to Yukhei was uncomfortable. He was so warm that Ten’s whole body felt hot just from the contact.

As soon as Ten was on the ground, he brushed his front off like he was trying to wipe the Yukhei off of him. This is what cooties were, he was sure of it. “I’ll be fine getting inside on my own,” he said. He didn’t have stairs after his porch, and he wanted to be alone. For once tonight, he didn’t want Yukhei taking care of him. He started moving towards his front door, digging his keys out of his pocket.

Yukhei was right behind him. “I’ll walk you in.  
  


There was no pint in arguing with him. Besides, walking was still a bit more difficult than Ten had anticipated, so Ten couldn’t even justify wanting to go alone. In the short time that Yukhei had been back, Ten had run into him so many times. Two years of avoiding his Labrador-like presence had completely gone to waste. Twice in one week.

It was warmer inside, and it smelled like the incense Ten had been burning before the party. It was black cherry. Ten relaxed into the familiar atmosphere.

Yukhei was looking around, eyes taking everything in. “It looks nice in here,” he said. Ten had changed it quite a bit in the two years Yukhei had been away. A lot had changed.

Ten pursed his lips. “Thanks.”

Yukhei took up space like he always did: like he was absorbing every room he was in, but shining light back into it. He was luminous in the strangest way. Not quite like the moon, but ethereal in the same sense.

He’d been in Ten’s place so many times, but now that he wasn’t quite welcome, it was different.

Ten stopped right in front of his bedroom door, touching the handle. He didn’t want Yukhei seeing inside, even though Ten had nothing to hide. He wanted that space to himself, even though Yukhei had been inside of there, before. It was different now, because they weren’t kissing, or touching each other. They were hardly even looking at each other. “Thanks for walking me in,” he said.

Yukhei was so much taller than him. “Of course.” His eyes flickered around the room, searching for words. “I told Kun I wouldn’t do this, but I’m really glad I’ve gotten to see you since I got back. And I know things are complicated, but I hope we can figure out a way to be friends.”

And Yukhei looked so pretty, it was almost too hard to not give in, right then and there. Only the living room light was on, but Ten could see Yukhei’s face, eyes innocent and wide, big lips moving in enchanting ways as he talked. He was possibly the most beautiful person Ten had ever seen, and he was definitely the most beautiful person Ten had seen in the last two years. He was pretty enough to make Ten want to give him whatever he wanted. That had always been the problem.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Ten said, pursing his lips. This night was too weird for him, too intimate with someone he’d been intimate with a thousand times. Yukhei was too beautiful, and Ten was still too drunk. He didn’t want to be alone, but he couldn’t ask Yukhei to stay. He wanted to touch Yukhei’s face, and his hair, and ask him to stay the night because Ten didn’t want to throw up during the night when he had no one there to take care of him. He wanted Yukhei to keep taking care of him. But none of that was possible, and Ten was sure he was just too drunk to think regular thoughts. Or maybe he was just going insane. “Get home safe, okay?”

Yukhei’s expression fell, like he was deflating from a prick Ten had given him. “Alright, Ten,” he said, using a hand to ruffle the hair at the top of Ten’s head. Ten wanted to shove his hand away, but mostly because he didn’t want Yukhei to stop. “Will I see you again, soon?”

Ten shrugged, looking away from the taller man in front of him. All Yukhei had _done_ since he got back was see Ten. With the way things were going, Ten didn’t think he’d be able to have a say. “I’m sure you will,” he said.

Yukhei gave the smallest smile. “Goodnight, Ten.”

Ten watched him close the front door behind him, and let his shoulders fall. He felt weak. “Yeah,” he said to himself, slipping inside of his room. “Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, kudos, or anything to let me know hoe you feel about this chapter. Thank you!


	4. 8:32 AM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back with another chapter! I don’t really like this chapter but I have it on good authority that it’s not as bad as I think it is, haha. I hope you all like this, I’m really going to try to pick up the pace after this one!!

Yukhei wanted to be  _ friends  _ with Ten. What a ridiculous notion.

Admittedly, Ten didn’t remember much from Kun and Sicheng’s party. He remembered taking shots with Guanheng, and Kun taking his clothes off, and Yukhei sitting close to him. He remembered Yukhei walking him to his room and telling him that he wanted to be friends. How absurd. After everything Yukhei had said to him before leaving for college, everything that had happened between them in their final moments, and Yukhei expected them to be friends? Ten had thought that he’d made it clear that he wasn’t interested in being active in Yukhei’s life just by avoiding him and only talking to him when he had to. Yukhei either wasn’t taking the hint or simply didn’t want to. So, Ten would have to do a whole lot better at not being Yukhei’s friend.

Which brought up one question: Why was Ten downtown and looking for the shoe store he knew Yukhei worked at? Well, mostly to thank Yukhei for taking care of Ten while he was drunk out of his mind. And also to tell Yukhei that friendship was out of the question.

Retrospectively, going all the way to someone’s work to tell them that you don’t want to be friends with them probably isn’t the best way to do things. But Ten didn’t know where or when else he’d be able to talk to Yukhei about this. He’d gone on a good morning run, and he was pumped up and ready to end some almost-friendships. If he didn’t do it now, he’d never do it. And then he’d be forced to be friends with the most beautiful man alive, and Ten would hate himself for all eternity. It had to be done. 

Every employee at the store looked like they surfed, and Ten didn’t want to hear about it. It smelled like cologne and new shoes. Nothing about this place was convincing Ten that he wanted to be there. He didn’t want to be there. He just felt like he was obligated to be.

As soon as Ten stepped into Yukhei’s line of vision, the taller man’s face lit up. Ten didn’t understand why-- it wasn’t like Yukhei had never seen Ten before.

Ten’s stomach was twisting uncomfortably as he approached the counter. His stomach always seemed to be twisting when Yukhei was around, and he was sick of it. He had to tilt his head back to properly look at Yukhei. “Do you have a minute?” Suddenly, his plan didn’t seem like a good one. What if Yukhei didn’t have time to talk? Ten couldn’t wait around all day to tell some kid that he didn’t want to be friends. The sooner he got out of this knock-off beach house, the better.

There was a goofy smile on Yukhei’s face, eyes wide at Ten. “Ten,” he said happily. Ten wished he would stop saying his name like that. “Sure, let me let my manager know.” He yelled across the room that he was taking his fifteen, slapping his nametag down on the counter. He started towards the back of the store, and Ten followed because he didn’t know what else to do.

Yukhei led him outside, into the warm air of the changing seasons. The bells on the door jingled as it shut. They were in the shade, next to a huge green dumpster that Yukhei made his goal of climbing.

Yukhei plopped down to sit on the dumpster, crossing his legs like a little kid. “Wanna join me?” he asked, patting the metal next to him.

Ten shook his head. “I’m good down here.”

“Suit yourself,” Yukhei sighed, leaning back on the dumpster. His hair was down over his forehead, just barely to his eyes. It seemed to be glowing under the sin, like white hot metal. “You look a lot better than the last time I saw you,” he smiled.

“Right,” Ten said. Yukhei was a morning person. Ten had completely forgotten about that, but it was no surprise that he was as talkative and chipper as he was. It took Ten a moment to process everything. Yukhei didn't look any better than he did the night of the party-- he always looked this good. Yukhei never looked bad, it had always been that way. “I just stopped by to thank you for that night.”

There was a grin on Yukhei’s face, like there often was. The shade they were standing in seemed a bit warmer, with him smiling like that. “You don’t have to thank me.” His uniform was a dark blue t-shirt with the store’s logo on the front. It was too tight over his chest and arms, but that was no surprise.

“Yes, I do,” Ten said quickly. “I was stupid and I got too drunk. I wasn’t your responsibility.” It was embarrassing to remember what he could, from that night. He was almost glad he couldn’t remember most of it. He didn’t want to know what he’d said to Yukhei.

Yukhei just shrugged. “I didn’t mind it.”

Of course he was making it difficult for Ten to even thank him. “I know,” Ten said. “But you really didn’t have to take care of me. So, I appreciate it. And thank you.”

“No worries,” Yukhei said, waving a dismissive hand. “I would’ve done it for any of my friends.”

Ten sighed. This was not going to be easy. “Yukhei…” He didn’t know how to break it to him. Thinking about Yukhei was dangerous enough, but having to actually be around him was just straight up dangerous. He didn’t want Yukhei to know his thoughts or feelings. And he definitely didn’t want Yukhei trying to apologize to him again. “About that,” he said, “I don’t think I’m really up for that.”

The taller man sat up, straightening his spine. Ten could smell his sweet cologne from here. It wasn’t the way he’d used to smell, like vanilla cupcakes, but it was still sweet. Some things didn’t change, and the sweetness of Yukhei happened to be one of those things. Maybe it was honeysuckle, or mint and lemon, or even rose. Ten couldn’t tell. It just smelled sweet, and subtle, and it made the alleyway they were standing in seem a hell of a lot more pleasant than it should have. “Up for what?”

Ten pursed his lips. He knew what Yukhei was doing. Playing dumb. Yukhei was smart enough to know what Ten was trying to say; he probably just didn’t want to acknowledge it. He wasn’t an idiot, by any means, he understood tone and body language, and when he didn’t want to, he acted oblivious. “I’m not up to be friends,” he said softly. He needed to get straight to the point, with Yukhei. Anything else, and Yukhei would find a way around it. He would twist his words to mean whatever he wanted them to. Not because he had malicious intent, but because when he wanted something, that’s all he wanted. And Ten wasn’t sure he was strong enough to deny him of anything. If Yukhei said anything Ten couldn’t handle, Ten’s brain would have a meltdown and he’d agree to be friends with him. And then he’d fall in love with Yukhei all over again, and Yukhei would just end up breaking his heart, the same as before. “With you.”

Yukhei’s golden expression fell off of his face. His face was like the bow of a ship come to life, beautiful and coated in gold. He was so beautiful that it only made sense that he’d been sculpted by human hands, made to sit at the front of the ship like the sea’s most prized possession. But the gold coating cracked at the edges and fell off of the sculpture, leaving a hollow expression on his features. “You don’t want to be friends with me?”

Ten’s expression felt tight. He bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't know what he could say, at a time like this. “No,” he said quietly. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be friends.” How could Ten be friends with someone who broke his heart? He couldn’t think of Yukhei without remembering the way he’d broken up with him, he couldn’t see him without having memories he wanted to block out. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for either of us.”

Yukhei’s lips turned down in an expression Ten hadn’t seen on his face before. “I know things have been complicated, but can’t we work them out?” He shifted until his legs were hanging off the edge of the dumpster, clean white shoes standing out in the shadows. He was wearing khakis, rolled up at his ankles, long legs stretching the material.

“I don’t know.” In other words: definitely not.

“I’m really sorry for the way I was,” Yukhei said. “But I’m willing to talk things through and work them out with you, if that’s what it takes.”

Ten pushed some of his hair out of his face, the strands warmed by the sun. “I don’t really want to talk about us,” he said. He didn’t want to cry about something that had happened two years ago. He didn’t want to acknowledge it happening at all. He wanted to pretend like he’d never been in love with Yukhei, and that they’d never fallen apart the way they did. If it were up to him, he would pretend that he’d never even met Yukhei, so they wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. 

Yukhei’s eyes were pleading, like a puppy’s. Good thing Ten was a cat person. “Let’s put our past behind us, then. We can just be friends like we used to be.”

The feeling that Ten shouldn’t have come here was certain, now. He didn’t want to be saying any of this to Yukhei. He didn’t want to be looking at Yukhei’s beautiful face. He wanted to escape. “We were never friends, Xux--  _ Yukhei _ . We were friends for a couple of days, before we got together. We don’t even know  _ how  _ to be friends with each other.”

“It’s different now,” Yukhei claimed. “I’m back home, and you’re here for once, and it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. So much has changed, but we still have everything it takes to be friends.”

Ten shook his head, gritting his teeth as a prickling feeling made its way to his eyes. “We don’t even know each other. We haven’t talked in two years; we’re practically strangers.”

“We don’t have to be,” Yukhei said enthusiastically. “We can get to know each other again, whatever it takes.”

Ten shook his head. “I just think that too much has happened between us for it to be that easy.” He knew the Yukhei that had left him, he didn’t need anything more than that. 

“Let’s just put our past behind us,” Yukhei said. His lips made a hard line that Ten’s eyes seemed to keep catching on. 

“I can’t do that,” Ten said. This, he was sure of. “With everything that’s happened between us, I don’t want to be friends with you. I don’t even want to see you, and I know that’s harsh, but that’s the way it is. There’s too much to put behind me, and I’m not ready for that yet.”

Yukhei’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, for a moment, and then they shot up. That was what Ten meant, when he said that Yukhei was smart enough to figure it out. Ten hadn’t even had to say what he was thinking, but Yukhei caught on. He was fully capable of understanding Ten. That much would probably never change. “You don’t forgive me yet?”

Ten couldn’t hold back his scoff. “You run off to college, where I don’t hear from you  _ once _ , and then you come back two years later and expect everything to be fine? That’s not the way things work, Yukhei.”

Yukhei slid off of the dumpster, landing on his feet in front of Ten. “I’ve changed, Ten. Everything has changed.”

“No,” Ten said, blinking tears out of his eyes. “It hasn’t.” It was more complicated than Yukhei could ever imagine. Ten was furious and still upset at the way Yukhei had handled everything, those years ago. But Ten was awestruck with this boy, in a way that occupied his every waking thought. He couldn’t do anything but think about Yukhei, and it had been that way since the very first second he’d seen him. The only way for Ten to distance himself from Yukhei, to get  _ over _ Yukhei, was to not see him. And if it took the rest of their lives, Ten thought he’d be okay with that.

“Yes, they have,” Yukhei said. He was towering over Ten, a soft expression on his face as he looked down at the older man. “We’ve changed since then, I know we have.  _ I’ve _ changed so much, trust me. My dad isn’t around any more, I haven’t spoken to Renjun in so long. I don’t care about him, or my dad, or anyone else, and I’m not scared anymore. I’m a lot different than I was before I left for college.”

“I’m sure there are a lot of people that are excited for you to be back in town,” Ten said, ignoring what Yukhei had said. He didn’t care about his dad, or Yukhei’s relationship with him, anymore. He didn’t care if Yukhei thought he’d changed, because Ten knew he hadn’t. He especially didn’t care about Renjun. The name made him feel sick to his stomach, in a way that made him feel like he was going to crumble into pieces. “Hang out with them, or your million other friends.” He didn’t need to be friends with Ten, anyway. He had so many friends, what was the significance of being friends with Ten? With all of the other people constantly at his feet, he probably wouldn’t even notice if Ten wasn’t around.

The frown looked unnatural on Yukhei’s face, like he wasn’t meant for negative expressions. Ten hadn’t seen him this unhappy in, well, two years. “I don’t want to see them, though. I just want to be friends with you.”

“But why?” Ten asked, crossing his arms. “I’m not special, you have to know that.” He was just another peeing face in Yukhei’s brilliant life. He was just another drunk person to take care of, another customer at his store. He wasn’t going to humour Yukhei by adoring him, or flirting with him, or giving in to him like everyone else did. He wasn’t worth Yukhei’s time, and maybe he never had been. He could be friends with anyone else in the world. 

Yukhei shrugged, a long sigh leaving his lips. “I don’t know why, Ten, okay? I don’t understand anything, anymore. I thought I knew what I wanted when I left, but I didn’t. I was scared, and young, and so stupid. I thought about you at college, like every day. I’m sorry for what happened, but I haven’t seen you in two years—”

“That was your choice,” Ten snapped. “And because of that, I don’t forgive you, and I don’t  _ want _ to forgive you, can’t you just respect that?”

“Look, it’s not like I’m asking for your hand in marriage,” Yukhei said, louder than before. He looked like he was going to cry, eyes glassy and lips turned down. Ten hoped he didn’t. Ten already felt like crying himself. If a single tear came from Yukhei, Ten was sure he’d cry, too. And he didn’t want to cry in front of someone like this. “I’m just asking to be friends. Just friends.”

“I can’t.”

Yukhei flailed his hands, looking up at the sky like he was begging a higher power for help with Ten. “I’ve apologized. So many times. I’m sorry I fucked up, but I’ve changed. I’ve distanced myself from people who made me the way I was back then. I’ve come to terms with myself, and with everything around me, and I’m a different person than you knew two years ago.”

Ten was one step away from yelling. “I don’t care,” he said. “I don’t care if you think you’ve changed, alright? There’s a reason I haven’t reached out to you— I don’t want anything to do with you right now.”

Yukhei took a step backwards, like he’d been shot through the chest, or punched in the face. His voice was low, controlled to the point that Ten  _ knew _ he felt like losing it. “I don’t know what else you want from me.”

Ten took a step back, too, trying to put some distance between them so he could look at Yukhei clearly. The closer he got to the taller man, the dizzier he felt. Yukhei was a whirlpool and Ten was lying in the water, body limp. It was so, so easy for him to get sucked in. He had to step away from Yukhei and bite the inside of his cheek as hard as he could, just to stay afloat on the surface. “I don’t want  _ anything _ from you,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“Just be my friend,” Yukhei said, voice weak. He was begging, pleading for Ten to be his friend. And Ten really, really wanted to give in, just for the sake of getting that expression off of the younger man’s face.

“Yukhei…”

Yukhei pursed his lips, eyebrows knit. He looked like he wanted to reach out for the older man, put his hands on Ten’s shoulders and shake him until he acquiesced. His hands hovered at his sides, fingers twitching like he wanted to touch the person in front of him. “Come on, Ten.”

Ten swallowed hard. The shakiness of Yukhei’s voice made him want to lie down and cry until he had nothing left to offer. “I don’t want to see you anymore. At all.” Ten’s eyes were blurry with the tears that threatened to spill. He could hardly see the expression on Yukhei’s face, so he blinked the liquid out of his eyes. “Do you understand?”

Yukhei blinked, tears dotting the lower line of his eyelashes. “Yeah, I understand,” he said, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. He wasn’t looking at Ten anymore, but to the side, into the alleyway they were standing in. His eyelashes looked dark with their dampness, his lips and nose tinted red from the tears. They were the colour of rose petals, and they looked twice as soft. Ten wanted nothing more than to reach his hand out and wipe Yukhei’s tears. He wanted to hold his face in his hands and never let go, and apologize for making him feel this way. He hated seeing Yukhei cry. More so, he hated feeling this way. He didn’t want to feel the need to comfort the boy who had broken his heart. He wanted to feel absolutely nothing for Yukhei, and he was willing to go through all of this to make it happen.

He absolutely could not be in love with Yukhei. That was something he’d promised himself to never do again. 

“I’m sorry,” Ten offered, simple words thick with tears, because he didn’t know what else he could say. And he was sorry for having to say all of this to Yukhei.

“Yeah,” Yukhei said, wiping at a trail of his tears with his thumb. Ten’s eyes overflowed, tears spilling over the edges of his eyes, onto his cheeks. He was pretty sure he was shaking. Yukhei turned to look at Ten, his expression changed. “Thanks for crashing my break for this.”

He turned around and went back inside, the bell on the door jungling as it shut.

Ten was alone behind Yukhei’s work, in the shade that no longer smelled like cologne. His head ached from the sun, but more from making Yukhei look that way— all cold, and sad, like a marble statue that had just been broken in half. He leaned his back against the dumpster, the metal warm even through his shirt, tears streaming hot down his face. Ten buried his face in his hands. He hated this.

He really hoped Yukhei couldn’t hear him crying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment telling me how you feel about this chapter!!!! Thank you, and see you next time~


	5. 1:04 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His affection was no longer meant for Yukhei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! I’m sorry it took so long for me to update this work, but I hope this chapter makes up for it! Thank you all for your support, it means the world to me ♡ Enjoy!

Ten had been awake for far too long.

He was going on twenty hours, and it was killing him. He’d opened at work, worked a double shift, and then he came home and sat in one place until it got dark and he realized he needed to eat. 

He didn’t know what was wrong with him. All day, he’d been on autopilot, letting his muscle memory get him through work. He didn’t even remember being at work, or driving home, or who he’d worked his shift with. He just knew that the day had gone by in a blur, and it made him feel queasy. He didn’t like not being aware of his surroundings, but the way his brain was functioning was making it difficult for Ten to be present for anything. The t.v. was going, but Ten didn’t know what was playing. The screen looked like a blur of colours, to him, and he didn’t care enough to try to focus his eyes.

From the moment he’d woken up, Ten had felt off. Exhausted for no reason, and twenty pounds heavier than he usually was, and nonchalant to the point that it worried him. He hadn’t even thought about Yukhei all day, even after their last encounter a couple days ago. He felt he was dissolving into the carpet, or his couch, and he was fine with it. He didn’t know what to do to feel normal, at this point. Because he didn’t even know what was wrong.

There was a buzzing sound, somewhere in Ten’s house. He briefly wondered what time it was, and if it was time for him to get off of the couch. He hoped it was late enough to sleep, because that was the only thing that sounded good, right now. He still didn’t move, though, until he recognized the buzzing sound as his phone going off.

He moved to pick his phone up from off of the couch cushion next to him, not bothering to see who was calling before answering it. “It’s Ten,” he answered, hoping it was just one of his friends. He could tell them that he was busy so he could continue to deteriorate on his couch.

“Ten,” a deep voice said. “I know it’s you. That’s why I called you.”

Ten froze in place, not that he’d been moving a bunch before. “Oh,” he said softly. There was a bitter taste in his mouth, metallic like blood, but not as sweet. “Yukhei.”

“Hey,” Yukhei said. His voice was breathy and wet, words mostly just a series of exhales. He sounded like he’d been crying, and Ten really hoped that that wasn’t the case. “I know things are weird, but I don’t have anyone else’s phone number memorized.”

Ten swallowed hard. “Are you okay?”

Yukhei gave a shaky inhale on the other end of the call. “I’m fine.” It sounded like a lie. “I’m just… I’m at a payphone near the graveyard that’s by the high school. Can you come get me?” Ten didn’t know what to say, or what to do, or how to react. He just stood there, his body and mind numb. Luckily, Yukhei kept talking. “I know you don’t want to be friends, and that sucks, but it’s fine and I respect it. You don’t have to forgive me— ever, if you don’t want to— but I’m stranded out here and it’s freezing, and I don’t know anyone’s phone number but yours, so—”

“Yeah, I’ll come get you,” Ten said. Maybe getting out of the house would be good for him. He could get some fresh air and try to get his mind back on track. His brain felt like a mess of tangled yarn. Maybe the cool air and new setting would help him to start untangling it.

“Really?” Yukhei breathed, relief flooding his voice.

Ten looked around the room for his keys, finding them close to the front door. He didn’t remember putting them there. “What side of the high school are you by?” he asked.

Yukhei was silent, for a moment, the only sound on his end the wind. “I’m kinda by the art building. Do you want me to go closer to the school after we hang up?”

Ten and Yukhei used to meet up by the art building after school, so they could sneak into the alley and kiss. “Yeah, just go closer to the school and I’ll find you,” Ten said, closing his front door behind him.

“Okay,” Yukhei said softly. “Thank you, Ten.”

Ten held the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he got into the car. “I’ll be there in ten,” he said, starting the car and pulling out of his parking lot.

Yukhei gave a small laugh. “Ten,” he said, the smile clear in his voice, “like you.”

Ten shook his head, even though he knew Yukhei couldn’t see him. “I’m hanging up.”

  
  
  


It was rather convenient that a Yukhei was so tall. He was easy to spot when Ten got close to the high school, broad shoulders hunched in the cold. He was standing close to where they used to meet, but Ten tried not to notice.

Getting outside did clear his head a bit, it made his thoughts a little more comprehensible. He felt awake for the first time today, the crisp autumn air making his cheeks tingle and his eyes focused. There was still something in his head, though, like a film, or a layer of smoke that was making his head cloudy and his body groggy. He still felt hollow, like his insides had been scooped out and replaced with cotton. But at least he could think a little better.

Ten slowed the car until he was right in front of Yukhei. The younger man was quick to open the passenger’s side door and slide in. Ten’s car shifted with his weight. “Thank you, Ten, seriously. I’m sorry it’s so late.”

“It’s fine,” Ten said, moving the car. “I was up anyway. Looking down at the clock on his dashboard, Ten realized that it was one in the morning. He’d had no idea. If he’d have guessed, he would have guessed that it was around seven in the evening.

“Are you okay?” Yukhei asked, eyes glued to the side of Ten’s face.

Ten didn’t hear him, at first. “What? Yeah, I’m fine. Why were you at a graveyard at one in the morning?”

“I took your advice and tried to hang out with some of the people that wanted to see me. There were a lot of people that wanted to hang out when I got home, so I figured I’d give it a try.”

Ten pursed his lips. “That doesn’t really answer my question.”

Yukhei sighed, carding a hang through his light hair. “Well, it sucked. Everyone was weird, and they reminded me of my dad, and I got too high, so I left. I sort of just walked out without an explanation.”

“Oh,” Ten said. “They reminded you of your dad?”

“Yeah.” Yukhei was chewing on his lower lip. “Just the way they acted, you know? They kept asking me all these questions, and making these jokes, and it reminded me of him.”

Ten didn’t know what to say in a conversation about Yukhei’s dad. That was too personal. “What happened to your phone?” Ten was sure Yukhei had hundreds of numbers in his phone, hundreds of people who would be willing to pick Yukhei up at his old high school at one in the morning.

“It died,” Yukhei said simply. “I finally found a payphone, and you’re the only number I have memorized. Well, you and my childhood phone. But I didn’t really think that would help.”

“I didn’t even know payphones still existed,” Ten said.

Yukhei snorted. “It’s probably the last one in the world.” He sat back in his seat, blinking at the road in front of them. “I’m just glad I still have your number memorized from high school. Again. I really appreciate you picking me up. I didn’t want to go back to those people.”

“Sure,” the older man said. “I owed you one from Kun’s party.”

“No, you didn’t,” Yukhei said without hesitation.

“Well, now I really don’t.”

Yukhei stared at Ten for a long time. Long enough to make the cold on Ten’s cheeks heat up, long enough to make every molecule in Ten’s body stand at attention. Ten could hear his heartbeat in his ears, and feel it at the base of his throat. He could hear Yukhei’s breathing, and his tires rolling over pavement. He wanted to look at Yukhei and ask him why he was staring, or ask him to look out his own window. But that would require him turning to look at Yukhei, and he wasn’t going to do that.

The silence had been ringing in Ten’s ears for far too long when Yukhei finally spoke. “Are you okay?”

“What do you mean?” Ten asked. He turned into a street, but he didn’t know which one. He let his hands take control of where they were going only glancing up at the streetlight briefly as he turned. “I’m totally fine.”

“What’s wrong?” 

Ten shifted his eyes to look at Yukhei. “Nothing is wrong. I’m just tired today.”

He slowed the park to a stop, shifting into park. The air smelled familiar, but Ten didn’t know why. It was dark, and his car was off, and he could see Yukhei’s glassy eyes even in the dark.

“Ten, you drove to your house,” Yukhei said, as if trying to prove a point.

Sure enough, Ten had parked in his own parking space, not too far from his front door. His muscle memory had done too well, he’d driven back home with Yukhei in the passenger’s seat without even noticing. “Fuck.”

For a moment, Ten considered turning the car back on and turning around to take Yukhei home. He shouldn’t have been spending time with Yukhei, especially not after their last conversation. If Ten had been feeling any more like himself, he would already be turning the car around and speeding for Yukhei’s place. But tonight, driving to the school and back had taken all of his effort. So the mere thought of having to do anything else made Ten feel entirely drained.

“Ten,” Yukhei said, his voice barely a whisper. When Ten turned to look at him, Yukhei’s eyes looked wet. “I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”

For some reason, Ten felt like crying. “I don’t either,” he admitted. Maybe he was insane. He felt insane, interacting with Yukhei like this. “Let’s go inside.”

“What?” Yukhei asked, shocked. “Like, inside your house?”

“Yeah,” Ten said, opening his door. It felt even cooler outside than it did before. Yukhei was out of the car quickly, standing next to Ten. He was so much taller than the older man; Ten felt like he was only up to his shoulder. “Don’t be weird about it, okay? It’s just too late to drive anywhere else.”

Yukhei nodded.

As soon as they were inside, Ten tossed his car keys onto the table. At least he’d remember them there. His bowl was still next to the couch where he’d begrudgingly eaten dinner. “Sorry it’s a mess,” he said, picking up his bowl and some of the trash lying next to it. “I’ll get you a charger in just a second.”

Yukhei was standing in the middle of Ten’s living room, long arms dangling at his sides. “Thanks.”

Ten grabbed the charger out of the kitchen and handed it to Yukhei. “You know where the outlets are,” he said. “Do you need food, or anything?”” If Ten knew anything about Yukhei, if  _ anyone  _ knew anything about Yukhei, it was that he was always hungry. Ten had never met anyone in his life who ate more and more frequently than Yukhei did. 

Yukhei shook his head. “I think I’m okay,” he said, sitting on the couch so he could plug the charger into the wall next to him. “It smells nice in here.”

“Incense,” Ten said. Yukhei was sitting on the couch, not unlike Ten had done all day. “Are you alright?” 

Yukhei nodded, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. “I’m good,” he whispered. “You know, college was so different than it is here. No one knew me, and no one expected anything from me. Hanging out with those people tonight just reminded me of how bad it can get, here.”

Clearly, Yukhei needed to talk about it. Ten wasn’t a terrible person, so he let him. “How so?”

Yukhei’s tongue came out to wet his dry lips. “They were so pushy, and they kept acting like they were my friends, but they didn’t know how to be my friends. They kept asking personal questions, and making jokes about me, and I felt like throwing up the entire time. I felt gross hanging out with them, so I left.”

Ten nodded, still standing across the room. “You probably made the right choice,” he said. He hadn’t talked to Yukhei this much in two years, besides the time he’d been telling him to stay out of his life. Yukhei just needed someone to talk to, right now. And Ten couldn’t say he was feeling much different.

Yukhei cleared his throat, dark eyes staring at a random patch in the carpet. He didn’t have an expression on his face, which was the scariest way for Yukhei to be. “It reminded me of how my dad was, you know? How he’d lecture me for hours and try to control every aspect of my life, when he didn’t know the first fucking thing about me.” His lips and hands were trembling, and Ten could see wet streaks shine on his cheeks.

“I remember,” Ten said quietly.

“My dad never knew a thing about my boundaries, he just asked me whatever he felt like he needed to know, no matter how personal it was. That’s how the people tonight were. They kept asking me who I’d slept with in college, and in high school, and how it was. They asked if I was gay, and if I really liked men, and they asked if that was why I left for college. Like, what the fuck? I haven’t talked to anyone about that shit since I told you, and I didn’t want to be quizzed. I don’t know why it mattered to them so much, or why it ever mattered to my dad, but I hated every fucking second of it.”

“I’m sorry,” Ten said. He knew exactly what Yukhei had gone through. His whole life, people had asked him the same questions, and it got really tiring, really fast. There was a certain point in Ten’s life where he just stopped acknowledging the things people said about him, and the questions people would always have. “People really don’t know how to respect someone’s privacy. You don’t owe them anything, though, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know,” Yukhei said, his voice rough from crying. “I know that now, I didn’t answer anything they asked me. I just laughed it off like they were joking, as if it’s any of their business, and I left. I think they got the message.”

“I’m sure they did,” Ten said. He didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know how to console Yukhei, or how to respond properly. He felt bad for Yukhei, but he also felt like he was submerged in room temperature water, just floating above everything else.

Yukhei wiped at his nose with the back of his hand, tears still spilling down his cheeks. “I just wanted to hang out with new people, like you said I should. But now it feels like I just spent an hour and a half with my dad.”

Ten felt more awkward in his own home than Yukhei did. “Do you want me to make you a grilled cheese?” he asked. Maybe a good sandwich would help Yukhei feel better. It usually worked for Ten.

“No, but thank, you. I’m sorry,” Yukhei said, wiping at his tears with the palm of his hand. “I didn’t mean to cry, I just… Tonight shook me up more than I realized.”

Ten joined Yukhei on the couch, as far away from him as he could get while still sitting next to him. “It’s okay,” Ten assured. “You know my house is basically made for crying.”

Yukhei gave a soft laugh, twisting around so he could look at Ten. “So, what about you? What’s wrong with you?”

Ten shrugged, shaking his head. Every time he was around Yukhei, he felt like crying. He didn’t want to cry. Not now, not in front of Yukhei. “Nothing,” he said, “I just feel off today. It’s hard to explain.”

“Yeah,” Yukhei said, nodding. “I understand what you mean. It’s like you feel empty and heavy at the same time.”

If anyone thought that people couldn’t be beautiful while crying, they had clearly never seen Yukhei. Right now, in this moment, Yukhei was the most beautiful person Ten had ever seen. His lips were turned down, slightly swollen from the crying, teeth digging into his lower lip as it trembled. His eyebrows were furrowed, but it didn’t make his face look any less angelic, it somehow made him look more like a painting. Liquid was spilling out of his dark eyes and down his cheeks, catching the light of Ten’s kitchen. His eyelashes were wet, and darker than they usually were, framing the dark honey colour of his eyes. He was in pain, and Ten knew this, but he was mesmerized by the way Yukhei looked. He looked like a statue, rain falling down the cold stone of his face.

“Exactly,” Ten agreed. “You remember how I used to get in high school.” Sad, to say the least. Hollow, and tired, and sad. It happened sometimes, for reasons Ten couldn’t figure out.

Yukhei’s expression changed into something Ten didn’t quite understand. “Of course I do,” he said, voice low. “I remember everything.”

“It’s like that,” Ten nodded. “I don’t know what's wrong with me, but I’ve been like this all day. I don’t really feel like I exist.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Yukhei said, his voice sweet. His words were thick from crying, but his tone was so delicate, like he was going to crumble Ten to pieces just by talking to him.

Ten didn’t want to talk about this, anymore. He shouldn’t have been telling Yukhei his thoughts, especially ones like this. This was too personal, too deep for strangers. Ten kept trying to remind himself that they were basically strangers, now.

A smile spread on Ten’s face as a memory popped into his head. “Speaking of remembering things, do you remember that one week Yangyang and Guanheng came to school in all the black clothes, and the chokers, with the eyeliner and nail polish?” It was a weird week. And now that Ten remembered it, it was a week he wasn’t going to let either of them live down.

Yukhei laughed, that funny, high-pitched laugh he did, sometimes. “Yeah, that was hilarious.” He shook his head, still laughing. He’d gone from crying to laughing in such a short amount of time. Ten felt sort of relieved that Yukhei wasn’t crying, anymore. The emotion didn’t fit his face, or his personality, and everyone knew that. Yukhei was meant to be smiling. “Do you remember Kun’s first and only girlfriend?”

Ten smiled, catching his lower lip between his teeth. He’d forgotten that Kun had ever tried to date a girl, all those years ago. “He did  _ not _ like her.”

It was strange, to Ten, how many memories he and Yukhei shared. He always forgot how long they’d known each other, and chalked it up to a bad break up and a serious case of heartbreak. But they’d known each other all the way back in high school, when Ten had first noticed the awkward, lanky boy in his literacy class. Their friend group had been together since, and for so long, now. It had always been so easy until Ten and Yukhei had gotten too serious.

Yukhei’s smile fell, after a moment, and he looked at Ten. “Are you going to be okay?”

Ten swallowed hard. “Yeah, I am.” For the first time all day, Ten felt normal. He was thinking like normal, his body felt it’s regular weight. He could talk and move, and he knew that he was the one doing all of it. He was looking at Yukhei’s tear streaked face, and he felt better than he had in twenty hours. “Are you?”

Something about the way Ten and Yukhei were talking felt all too familiar. It was all too easy to talk to Yukhei about their past, and their feelings, and all of the things Ten didn’t want to talk to Yukhei about. It made it feel like they’d never stopped talking. It felt like they’d never gotten together, or broken up. It felt like Yukhei had never left for college, and like Ten hadn’t cried for an entire summer. It felt like they were picking up right where they had left off, like they were catching up after a short trip. There was a part of Ten that wished it really was this way. He didn’t want the drama, or the crying, or the negativity he felt towards Yukhei. He wanted them to be able to talk like this forever, like they’d used to. Ten didn’t want to know what loving Yukhei felt like.

Unfortunately, Ten couldn’t even look at Yukhei without remembering the way Yukhei had left him alone in his own kitchen.

“I’m all good,” Yukhei said, voice more even than it had been all night. He leaned his temple against the back of the couch so he could look up at Ten. “Thanks for hanging out with me, tonight.”

“Yeah,” Ten said, “I didn't really want to be alone.”

Yukhei nodded in agreement. “I keep thinking about my dad.” His voice was barely louder than a whisper; mumbling a secret he wasn’t quite sure he wanted Ten to know.

“I understand,” Ten said. His instincts told him to run a hand through Yukhei’s hair, or pat him on the leg-- like he’d done so many times in the past. But that wasn’t something Ten could do, anymore, or even something he wanted to do. His affection was no longer meant for Yukhei. “Is your dad still--?”

“No,” yukhei said, answering Ten’s unspoken question. “My mom divorced him, and I haven’t really seen him since.”

“Oh.” Ten knew what that was like. Yukhei shrugged. “That’s probably for the best, right?”

Yukhei nodded, blinking the tears out of his eyes. “Still sucks, though.”

Ten bit the inside of his cheeks. As much as Ten wanted to deny it, Yukhei and Ten’s memories were entirely and eternally intertwined. Everything that built Ten’s life-- from his friend group, to his high school career, to the way he presented himself currently-- all had Yukhei in the blueprint. Yukhei was weaved into so many of Ten’s memories, both the good and the bad. Yukhei was in so many of Ten’s memories. Sometimes, Yukhei’s parents were there, too, his mom smiling at them and his dad crossing his arms and leaving early. But Yukhei was alwasy there, smiling, and laughing, and crying. Just like he was tonight.

Yukhei was so deeply engrained in Ten’s life, Ten was afraid it could never be any different. It was hard to move on from someone who was essentially a part of Ten’s subconscious.

“Let’s go to bed,” Ten said, standing up from the couch. Yukhei just kept staring up at him, dark eyes shiny. “Come on.”

He didn’t want Yukhei to see his room. It hadn’t changed enough since the last time Yukhei had been in it. Or, maybe it hadn’t changed enough. Either way, someone Ten hadn’t seen in two years shouldn’t have been in his room. Ten knew that.

“In your room?” Yukhei asked, eyes wide.

Ten also knew that sleeping alone sounded like hell, right now. Yukhei had been in Ten’s room thousands of times. He’d slept in his bed, he’d kissed Ten against the walls, he’d been in there almost as much as Ten had. What could one more time hurt? “Yeah.”

Yukhei stood, following Ten solently. He looked scared, and unsure, and Ten felt the same way. The last time he’d seen Yukhei he’d basically told him to get out of his life. He’d been so afraid of Yukhei knowing his thoughts and feelings, yet here he was, letting him into his bedroom.

Yukhei stood in the middle of it, looking around at the hanging dried flowers, and the newly blue walls. “It’s pretty in here. I like the blue.”

It was kind of a mess, if Ten was being honest, and his walls weren’t even supposed to be blue. He’d ordered grey, but had been met with a pale blue that he’d tolerated enough to go with. “Thanks.” He toed his shoes off and crawled onto the bed. He sat up by his pillow, briefly wondering if his bed was still big enough for the both of them. He looked up at Yukhei, who still looked like he was in shock. His blond hair was pushed out of his face, eyes tired from the day he’d had. “I hate sleeping alone.”

Yukhei all but kicked his shoes off and ever-so-gently crawled on top of the bed, careful not to disturb the blankets under him. “I do, too.”

Ten slid down under the covers, his brain screaming at him to get Yukhei out of his house. He wasn’t going to listen. “Will you shut my light off?”

Yukhei’s arms had always been long enough to shut the light off, even all the way from on the bed. Convenient didn’t even begin to cover it. “Sure,” he said, leaning off of the mattress so he could flick the switch down.

After he did, he slid next to Ten, pulling the covers up over his chest. He smelled like weed, and vanilla, and cologne, and a hint of cigarette smoke. It wasn’t too different from the way he’d always smelled. It was making Ten remember the way he used to cradle Yukhei’s face in his hands, and the way Yukhei’s fingers ghosted over his sides before settling on his hips. It made him remember the early mornings at school, Yukhei arriving with two coffees in his hands, and the way he used to smile at Ten when handing him one. It made Ten remember the way Yukhei’s voice sounded over the phone, and talking when they weren’t supposed to. It made Ten remember the distinct taste of Yukhei’s lips, and the way they’d kissed for hours when they were alone. It made Ten remember a lot of details about Yukhei that he was no longer too fond of. He wished he could go back in time and erase all of his most intimate moments with the younger man. But then he realized that tonight would be gone, too.

“You smell nice,” was all that Ten said, even though he had a million other moments on his mind. Yukhei was making his bed warm. It usually took Ten a good half hour to get all comfortable and toasty, the way he liked to sleep. Now, his bed was already warm and so, so comfortable. Maybe this was just a result of Ten’s exhaustion.

“Vanilla cupcakes,” the younger man murmured. Yukhei must have been tired, too, because his eyes were already closed, head resting back on one of Ten’s pillows like it was the greatest thing in the world.

“What?”

“It’s the vanilla cupcake perfume. Remember?”

Ten felt sick to his stomach, but almost in a good way. The way he’d felt when he was a kid and he’d eaten too many pieces of candy, making his stomach ache. “I didn’t think you wore that, anymore,” he admitted. When they’d been at Ten’s party, Yukhei didn’t smell that way. Ten figured he’d outgrown the perfume.

“I still wear it,” Yukhei said. His voice seemed even deeper with the darkness enveloping them. “I had to buy a new bottle, but it’s still my favourite.”

If anyone needed proof that Ten was probably going insane, this was it. He shifted closer to Yukhei, until they were touching. “Don’t be weird about this, please,” he said, the warmth from Yukhei’s body making Ten dizzy. He buried his face in the crook of Yukhei’s neck, inhaling the sweet vanilla scent. Yukhei was warmer up close, and a hundred times softer. Yukhei had always run hot, but the sweetness of his perfume and the softness of his skin was making Ten feel like he was submerging in boiling water. But he was a block of ice, so he didn’t even mind it. He just melted. “It’s just been a rough day, okay?”

Yukhei’s arms fell over Ten’s waist, the familiar feeling back for the first time in years. “I know,” he said. His chest rumbled against Ten as he spoke. His entire body seemed to cover Ten. “Today was the worst.”

Ten’s eyelids felt heavy. Yukhei was warm, and big, and he smelled like smoke and frosting. The walls of Ten’s mind, even the parts yelling at him, all had this strange boy etched into them. Ten didn’t quite understand it, and he probably never would. He was sleeping in bed with the one and only person he shouldn’t have been around.

For now, Ten didn’t care. He just pressed his face into Yukhei’s neck and focused on the taller man’s breathing, and how familiar their position was. He relished in how at peace he felt, even after the numb day he’d had. He was comfortable, and tired, and nothing else mattered.

“If you tell Yangyang about this, I’ll literally have you killed.”

Yukhei gave a soft chuckle, and tightened his arms around Ten’s waist. “Noted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment telling me how you feel about this chapter, the characters, or anything about this fic! I read all of your comments, and I’m slowly trying to respond to all of them! Thank you, again ♡


	6. 3:20 PM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was silent, for a moment, and Ten realized that he was the one who’d made it awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this update took so long! Long story short my house burned down three months ago and during all of that, my laptop died and I had to buy a new one! I'm okay now, so here's a new chapter! It's not the best and it certainly isn't too exciting, but I hope you enjoy regardless! Thank you~

“You let him stay the night?” Yangyang asked, lips parting in surprise.

“Yes,” Ten said, pacing in Yangyang’s room. His stress levels were scarily high, right now. His heart was beating fast, and even though Ten had gone on a jog at about six in the morning, he still had so much _energy_. Oh, and he was fifty percent sure he was just having a really weird anxiety attack. “But listen. You can’t tell anyone it happened—even Guanheng—and you especially can’t let Yukhei know I told you.”

Yangyang, as always, was hardly listening to Ten. “Did you guys have sex or something?”

Ten stopped pacing, in lieu of looking at his friend like he was stupid. “What? No, of course not, I hate him. But we _did_ kind of cuddle. And I swear to god if you say anything about it, I’ll burn your air jordans.”

“Okay, _jeez_ ,” Yangyang said, rolling his eyes.

Ten was back to pacing, doing his best not to trip over Yangyang’s dirty laundry. “You also have to tell me if he tells you, because I told him I’d have him assassinated if he did.”

The younger man sighed, “you’re insane.”

“You can’t tell _anyone_ ,” Ten said, for the hundredth time. He didn’t feel like Yangyang was understand just how crucial this was, so he was going to keep saying it until it was beaten into Yangyang’s very being. “I feel so stupid for the whole thing—”

“Why’d you let him stay the night, then?” Yangyang asked, wrinkling his nose.

“I don’t _know_ ,” Tens said honestly. “He was crying, and I was having a really shitty day, and it was late. We both just needed someone to talk to, okay? I _know_ it was stupid, trust me.”

It was all he’d been able to think about since it happened. Yukhei had left in the morning, long before Ten had woken up. It was probably for the best, since Ten knew he couldn’t exactly handle the concept of waking up next to Yukhei. He had recharged overnight and started feeling better. Which meant that the weird, desperate part of Ten’s brain that needed Yukhei for comfort was no longer in his head. So, when he woke up, he was glad he didn’t see Yukhei still in his bed.

Still, the lingering intimacy from the night they’d spent together was enough to leave a weird taste in Ten’s mouth. He could still taste it, sickly sweet residue on his tongue. He wanted to take that night back and forget that all of it happened. It would have honestly been less intimate if they’d had sex. Ten couldn’t really explain it.

“I don’t think it was really stupid,” Yangyang shrugged. He leaned back where he was sitting on his bed, glancing at himself in the mirror on the wall. “You guys haven’t really talked since you broke up. It’s kinda nice, if you ask me.”

“It’s not _nice_ ,” Ten huffed. “I didn’t _want_ to talk to him, there’s a reason for that. I don’t like him, I really don’t.” He crossed his arms over his chest. He still didn’t forgive Yukhei; he didn’t want to be friends with him. “It was a moment of weakness for both of us.”

“Is that why you cuddled with him?” Yangyang asked, raising his eyebrows.

Ten knew that Yangyang was just messing with him, now, but he did have a good point. Ten was an idiot, and he was going to kick Yangyang’s ass for pointing it out, later. “More or less,” he said. They’d been so vulnerable, and so tired. Ten couldn’t help cuddling up to him, in that moment. And hell, he’d felt better the next day, so maybe it had worked.

But Yangyang was a demon, so of course he had questions. “Who started it?”

A sigh left Ten, and he rolled his eyes. “That’s none of your—it doesn’t even matter who started it. It’s whatever, okay?”

Yangyang smiled slowly, the little shit. “So, you started it?”

Ten’s brows furrowed into a frown. That was the last time he was going to cuddle with an ex, that was for sure. It gave Yangyang _way_ too much satisfaction. “That’s… yeah, fine, I started it.” If it was any consolation, he did regret it. There was a reason he didn’t want to be vulnerable around Yukhei. He couldn’t control himself. It was dangerous.

“Did you like it?”

Ten shoved Yangyang over, the younger man laughing to himself. “Fuck off, of course I didn’t like it.”

“At least you didn’t have sex with him,” Yangyang laughed, laying back in his place on the bed.

He wasn’t wrong. Having sex with Yukhei at this point in their lives was nothing short of Ten’s worst nightmare. “I wouldn’t,” Ten promised, shivering at the mere thought of it. If a simple night of talking and cuddling had brought him this much emotional turmoil, he couldn’t imagine what sex would do to him. Sex may have been less intimate than them spilling their feelings out to each other, but it was still _sex_. “Can you imagine?”

“I really can’t.” Yangyang rolled on his side so he could scroll through his phone. His shirt twisted around his body, leaving a patch of skin exposed.

“Is that a fucking hickey?” Ten hasped, moving so he could flick Yangyang’s shirt higher up. Sure enough, there was a dark purple hickey, not too far above his bellybutton. “Oh my _god_ , Yangyang.”

“What?” Yangyang asked, turning onto his back so he could pull his shirt down. His lips were turned down, trying to come off as nonchalant. He pushed himself up into a sitting position, legs hanging off of the bed. “It’s not a hickey, it’s just a bruise.”

Ten couldn’t stop laughing. “Oh my god,” he said, throwing his head back so he could laugh loudly. “That’s so not a bruise, don’t even try to lie to me.”

The younger man pouted, shoulders slumping as he sent a dirty look to Ten. “Fine, it’s a hickey, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

Ten rolled his eyes, flopping down onto Yangyang’s bed to sit next to him. “It’s not that big of a deal,” he assured. At least Yangyang hadn’t cuddled with his ex-boyfriend. Whom he hated. “Everyone’s had a hickey.”

“I guess.”

“So, did Guanheng spend the night and just leave really early? Or did you two just hook up last night?” This was payback for Yangyang giving him so much shit about cuddling with Yukhei. Besides, he and Guanheng made it _terribly_ obvious that they were hooking up. Everyone knew.

“Ten,” Yangyang whined, throwing himself back onto the bed. He was like a little kid throwing a tantrum. It was hilarious. “Why do you assume I hooked up with Guanheng?”

Ten raised an eyebrow. “Because all of our friends are either taken, uninterested, or Yukhei. No offense. Unless you’re sleeping with Dejun?” The last time Ten and Guanheng had talked about it, Guanheng _had_ mentioned something about Yangyang liking Dejun. He’d also told Ten that he was sleeping with Yangyang, so Ten already knew the truth. He just wanted to hear it from Yangyang.

  
“Nah,” Yangyang said, “I’m not sleeping with Dejun.”

“Oh,” Ten said.

Yangyang’s nose wrinkled, the way it did when he was thinking. “Dejun’s too much of a romantic, I can’t deal with him all the time. And I don’t think he’d ever be into random hook ups.”

Ten didn’t know what to do with that information. He wanted to pester Yangyang some more and get him to say whether he liked Dejun, or not. But Yangyang seemed weird about it, so he decided to save that for another time. “So, Guanheng?”

Yangyang rolled his eyes, but there was a small smile on his face. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” He was pink, from his neck to the tips of his ears. “I hate him for giving me hickeys, though.”

Ten laughed happily, shoving Yangyang’s shoulder. He was about to tell Yangyang that he _knew_ he was hooking up with Guanheng, but Yangyang’s window flew open, and Ten nearly jumped about of his skin. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a murderer or a ghost, it was Yukhei, climbing through Yangyang’s open window.

“Fucking hell,” Yangyang said, looking up at Yukhei with wide eyes. “Dude, my parents aren’t even home. You don’t have to come through the window.”

In all honesty, Ten was surprised that he could even fit through a window. Yukhei was nothing short of absolutely massive, and the window definitely wasn’t up to that standard.

As soon as Yukhei’s eyes landed on Ten, his whole body froze. He had one leg through the window, both hands on either side of the frame to stabilize himself. “Hey, Ten,” he said. A smile spread across his face. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

But of course, he was. No matter where Ten was, or what he was doing, Yukhei always seemed to have a way to find him. Whether it was the middle of the night, or in a bathroom, or in Yangyang’s bedroom, Yukhei would find a way to be there while Ten was.

“Well, I am,” Ten sighed.

Yukhei stepped all the way through the window, sitting on the bed next to Yangyang. He was heavy enough to make the entire bed shift under his weight. He started going through the pockets of his jacket, pulling stuff out and setting it on the bed. He held a grinder, a pipe, a puff bar, and a lighter all in one hand while he used the other hand to fish through the back pockets of his jeans. “I got a fuck ton of bud, so I figured I’d come over here.” He pulled an entire Ziploc bag full of weed out of his pocket, dangling it in front of Yangyang’s face.

Yangyang snatched it out of his hand, a wide smile on his face. “Oh, _fuck_ yeah,” he said, looking down at the weed. “This is why we’re friends.”

Ten could smell the weed from where he was sitting. He shifted on the bed, reaching for the car keys he’d thrown on Yangyang’s computer desk. “I should probably get going,” he said, standing up off of the bed. He didn’t want to be stuck in a room with Yukhei. Especially since Yangyang was here. That would only make things more awkward.

Yangyang didn’t say anything, just looked up at Ten with a pipe in his hand. Yukhei, on the other hand, never knew when to keep his mouth shut. “You should hang out with us,” he said, round eyes blinking up at the older man.

Ten pursed his lips, restraining himself from rolling his eyes or scoffing. “Can I talk to you, for a second?” Now was his chance to tell Yukhei to stop talking to him. Permanently. They still weren’t friends. Yukhei needed to get that through his head and stop trying to change it.

“Uh, sure,” Yukhei said, handing all of his stuff to Yangyang. “You can light a bowl without me.”

Ten led the taller man out into the kitchen, away from where Yangyang would be able to hear them. “Look,” Ten sighed. He didn’t know how many times he was going to say the same thing. He felt like he’d said it over and over, and he was sure that he’d have to say it a couple more times before Yukhei started listening to him. “I know the last time we were together it was different, but nothing has changed. I still can’t be friends with you. Which means that I can’t just _hang out_ with you.”

Yukhei was about as tall as the refrigerator. Ten always seemed to forget about how tall Yukhei was until his head was craned back to look at him. “Yeah, I get that,” he said, running a hand through his hair. He was wearing a red hoodie and some track pants. The red made the colour of his lips and the warmth of his eyes stand out even more. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to hang out with us. It’s just really good to see you, you know? Are you feeling better than last time?”

For a moment, Ten didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected Yukhei to ask him how he was feeling. “Yeah,” Ten said, knitting his eyebrows. Besides the fact that he was going to have to deal with the fact that he’d cuddled with Yukhei for the rest of his life, he was fine. “It was just an off day.”

“Good,” Yukhei nodded. “You look good today.”

Ten wanted to scream. He knew he didn’t look good. He looked tired and plain, and like he’d just been planning to hang out with his best friend. There was nothing special about it, and he knew he didn’t look good. Even if he did, Yukhei was the last person who should have been complimenting him. He wanted to tell Yukhei to shut up. “How about you? Are you feeling better?” _Not_ what he wanted to say. He’d never been a confrontational person—he still wasn’t. He couldn’t always say what he was thinking.

One side of Yukhei’s mouth lifted in a crooked smile. “I am, thanks for asking.”

For the record, Yukhei looked good, too. Red always looked good on him, though. His lips were chapped, but that didn’t make them any less appealing. He was wearing his glasses, too, the blue-tinted lenses shining in the light of Yangyang’s kitchen.

Ten could feel his exterior crumbling, breaking away in pieces every time he accidentally glanced at Yukhei’s half smile. He was weak for pretty boys, that was the whole reason he was in this mess in the first place. “I’ll stay around, tonight,” he said. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “After this, we can’t be around each other anymore, okay?”

Yukhei leaned a shoulder against the refrigerator, nodding enthusiastically. “Sure,” he shrugged, in a way then Ten certainly didn’t believe. “Did you do something different today? You really look so good.”

“Do I not normally look good?” He didn’t know why he said it. He knew he was encouraging Yukhei. He was egging him on, for the sake of his own ego. Above all else, Ten really enjoyed hearing about how good he looked. _That_ was his flaw.

Yukhei gave a low chuckle, broad shoulder still pressed against the fridge. “No, no, you do. You just look extra good today. I don’t know what it is.”

Ten’s face felt hot. “Well, thanks,” he said, the corners of his lips going tight. Ten didn’t look any different than he usually did. If anything, he looked worse than usual because he was running on fumes and anxiety. But Yukhei was leaning against the fridge, a smile quirked onto his lips. He was obviously looking for something to say to Ten. “We should get back to Yangyang’s room.”

“Yeah,” Ten said quietly. He was looking up at Yukhei’s face, wondering how Yukhei had gotten even more beautiful than the last time they’d seen each other. He was more beautiful than when they’d dated, and more beautiful than any other time Ten had seen him. He seemed to get better looking every time Ten saw him, like each breath he took made him more attractive. He looked sculpted in his cheekbones and jawline, but the curves of his eyes and lips were soft. He was defined lines and soft colours, and the dichotomy made Ten feel dizzy. He didn’t even look real, most of the time, but here he was, staring down at Ten like he was trying to read his mind. His lips were parted, like he wanted to say something. Ten swallowed hard. “Let’s go.”

Yukhei put his hand on Ten’s shoulder as they got back into Yangyang’s room. “Are you going to smoke with us?”

Ten shrugged away Yukhei’s hand. “I don’t know,” he said. He didn’t have to work tomorrow, on one hand. He _had_ been planning on getting high since he was supposed to be hanging out with Yangyang for the rest of the night. On the other hand, Yukhei was here, now. That was an element thrown into the mix that Ten wasn’t comfortable with.

Yangyang’s lips were pressed against the pipe, lighter lit against the bowl. His room was already filled with smoke, despite his window being open from Yukhei crawling through it. Yangyang blew smoke into the air, nodding his head as he did. “You totally should,” he said, coughing the last word. “This weed is _way_ good.”

Yukhei flipped into the bed, the entire frame of it shaking. “Give me some,” he said, reaching for the pipe. It looked ten times smaller in his hand than it had in Yangyang’s. He held it up to his lips, inhaling hard as he lit the bowl.

He looked beautiful, eyes focused downward and pink lips flush with the blue glass of the pipe. His fingers were steady, careful to hold the pipe and the lighter still. Smoke drifted out of his nose, almost the same colour as his hair. He leaned his head back, the muscles in his neck shifting as he did. He blew smoke towards the ceiling.

He blinked his eyes up at Ten, coughing a bit. “Do you want some?” he asked, holding the pipe out in front of him. His lips were dry, his tongue coming out to wet them. Ten couldn’t look away from them. Ten didn’t want to put his lips right where Yukhei’s had been. The pipe would probably still be warm from Yukhei’s lips, and Ten didn’t want to feel it.

“No, I’m okay,” Ten said, twisting his hands, “for now.” Maybe Ten would smoke later, after Yangyang did. He definitely wasn’t going to have a turn right after Yukhei, right after having to watch Yukhei press his thick lips against the end of the pipe.

Yangyang pulled Ten by the wrist, moving him closer to he and Yukhei. “Sit with us,” he said. His eyes were already half-lidded, the whites tinted a light pink. There was a slight smile on Yangyang’s face that turned permanent every time he smoked.

Reluctantly, Ten sat on the bed, pressing himself against the wall so that he was sitting directly next to Yangyang. Yukhei was taking up most of the bed, long limbs folded as best as they could be. Yangyang was curled up on the corner, against the wall with Ten.

“Why is your house always freezing?” Ten asked, wrapping his arms around his own legs. Yangyang and his parents kept their house at about fifty degrees, no matter the season. Ten usually brought a hoodie to keep him warm, but he’d forgotten one today.

Yukhei sat up at attention. “Do you want my jacket?” he asked, braced and ready to take it off.

Ten blinked at him, eyebrows pulling down into a frown. “No,” he said quickly. “Absolutely not.”

It was silent, for a moment, and Ten realized that he was the one who’d made it awkward.

Yukhei exhaled smoke and looked amazing doing it. His eyes moved around the room, the blue tint in his glasses making his eyes look impossibly darker. “So, did you hang out with Guanheng last night?”

“What?” Yangyang sputtered, ears going red. “Why—what? Why do you ask?”

Ten wondered if Yukhei knew about them hooking up. He didn’t know how much his friends told him. Or how much they told Ten, for that matter. Yukhei was a part of all of their lives, but Ten didn’t know to what extent. He didn’t know how Yukhei was incorporated into their lives. Ten hadn’t even thought about it, until Yukhei had accidentally become a part of Ten’s life again.

Yukhei shrugged his big shoulders, the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried not to smile. “There’s a box of condoms on your desk and his nametag is on the floor over there.” He pointed towards the door, where—sure enough—Guanheng’s nametag for the bar he worked at was lying on the carpet. When did Yukhei get so observant? At least, more observant than Ten was. Ten supposed that this confirmed his suspicions about Yukhei knowing about Yangyang and Guanheng.

“Wait,” Ten said, turning his attention to Yangyang. “You told _him_ before you told _me_?”

“Uh,” Yangyang said, helpful as always.

“What’s so weird about that?” Yukhei asked defensively.

What was _weird_ about it was how Ten was constantly around his friends because he hadn’t run off to college when he’d gotten scared of the real world. He wanted to say that, too, but he didn’t feel like opening that can of worms, right now. “Well, Yangyang is _my_ best friend,” he said instead.

Yukhei raised an eyebrow. “He’s my best friend too, you know.”

The pipe was frozen midair in Yangyang’s hand. “Aw, I’m flattered—”

“How long have you known about he and Guanheng?” Ten asked Yukhei. He wished his eyes could have burnt holes in Yukhei.

“Like a month,” Yukhei said, eyes cast down at Ten. “Since the day I got back into town.”

Ten didn’t know if he was more pissed off at Yangyang for not telling him all this time, or more pissed at Yukhei coming back and ruining everything. Never mind, he was definitely more pissed at Yukhei. Ten’s life had been so consistent before he’d come back. He was just bummed at Yangyang, if he was being honest. “What the hell?” he asked, leaning back to look at his friend.

“Listen,” Yangyang said, carefully setting the pipe on his knee. “He only knew first because he walked in on Guanheng and me.”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Ten laughed. All of the negativity dissolved from his body as he tried to imagine the horrific scene that had taken place. “You walked in on them _fucking_?”

Yangyang looked about as traumatized as anyone would expect.

“Yeah,” Yukhei said, a smile coming back onto his face. “On my first day back.”

“ _How_?” Ten asked, eyes wide.

Yukhei laughed softly, a shiver wracking his body. “I’d literally just landed back here, so I came over to see if Yangyang wanted to hang out. I opened the window and saw _way_ more than I ever wanted to.” He grimaced, shaking his head.

“And yet you still don’t knock before coming in,” Yangyang said. Yukhei just shrugged.

Ten laughed so hard his stomach hurt. “That’s so awful, I’m so sorry, but that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever imagined.”

Yangyang’s face was scrunched up, ears fully red. “Not my finest moment,” he said.

A smile spread across Ten’s face, an opportunity to harass Yangyang coming to mind.

Ten slowly turned to look at Yukhei. “Yangyang has hickeys all over his body,” he said, the laugh creeping back into his voice.

“Seriously?” Yukhei laughed, using a hand to cover his mouth. Wide eyes scanned Yangyang’s body, searching for said hickeys. “Where?”

Yangyang shot Ten a dirty look. Ten was probably going to get strangled for this one, as soon as Yangyang and he were alone. It was worth it. “Mostly my chest, but some on my stomach. We don’t give each other hickeys anywhere visible.”

Ten remembered those days. He used to get hickeys only below the collar so no one he’d gone to high school with would find out. He and Yukhei used to give each other hickeys the way other couples would write love letters. Back then, it was one of the only ways they could be open with their relationship. And it wasn’t even open. They were just hickeys Ten stared at a lot.

“Those were the days,” Yukhei said. It was like he could read Ten’s mind. Somehow, he knew that Ten had been thinking about the times they’d give each other hickeys in Ten’s room, only to hide them at school the next day.

Ten ignored Yukhei and his own memories, sitting forward to look at Yangyang. “Are you guys going to be more public, now? Since we know?”

Yangyang shrugged, smoke coming out of his mouth. “I don’t know. You two are the only ones that know, so probably not.”

“Oh,” Ten said. He’d forgotten about their other friends, for a minute there. He reached for the pipe without thinking, twisting the lighter out of Yangyang’s hand. “I want to smoke now,” he said. The last mouth the pipe had touched was Yangyang’s—Ten could handle that. As long as the dusky residue of Yukhei’s lips didn’t get stuck to Ten’s lips like bubblegum, Ten would be fine. He inhaled deeply, the smoke burning his throat and filling his mouth with the taste. He didn’t want to get too high—he still needed to be functional throughout the evening. He blew smoke into the air, anticipating the warm high that would soon occupy his body.

Yukhei was staring at him, eyebrows raised. “What?” he asked.

Ten blinked, eyes coming back into focus. “What?”

“You were staring at me,” the taller man said.

Ten scoffed, shoving the pipe into Yukhei’s oversized hands. “What? No, I wasn’t. I was just staring off into space.” He hadn’t even realized that he was looking at Yukhei. Obviously, he hadn’t meant to. But Yukhei was attractive, especially in red, and Ten’s eyes knew that.

“You two are weird,” Yangyang mumbled, not really paying attention to his friends. His thumbs were quickly tapping at his phone screen, a slight smile on his face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ten asked. He leaned over, practically in Yangyang’s lap, trying to see what was on his phone. The younger man moved his phone away from his face as fast as he could, but not before Ten could catch the ‘Hendery’ that was at the top of his screen. “His name is Hendery in your phone?”

Yukhei chimed in. “What? No one calls him Hendery anymore.”

Yangyang rolled his eyes. “I _know_. He put his name in my phone.”

“Cute,” Ten said, still fighting to see Yangyang’s phone screen. “Let me see. What is he saying? Is he sexting you?”

Yukhei laughed, eyebrows raising. “ _Is_ _he_?”

“ _No_ ,” Yangyang said. His face was as pink as his eyes. He exhaled a cloud of smoke into Ten’s face, making the older man back off. “He’s not. Stop.”

Ten tried to see Yangyang’s phone screen again, but the younger man turned his phone off and shoved it in his lap. “You’re such a liar,” Ten laughed, shaking his head. “It’s gross that he’s sexting you in the middle of the day, though.”

Yangyang flung himself back so that he was laying on the bed. He sighed dramatically. “He _wasn’t_ , oh my god. He was just asking if I could hang out tonight.”

Yukhei raised his eyebrows suggestively. “For sex?”

Ten laughed out smoke. He had a point. If Guanheng was trying to hang out with Yangyang, and Yangyang wasn’t letting Ten see his messages, it was probably for sex-related reasons. It also meant that Guanheng was probably texting Yangyang some pretty heated stuff.

Yangyang rolled his eyes. “I forgot how much I suffer when you two get along.”

Yukhei laughed, “you’re changing the subject.”

At the same time, Ten said, “we’re not getting along.”

They weren’t really. Getting along was for fighting siblings, or bickering friends. Not for ex-lovers who were forced to hang out. Not for someone who broke someone else’s heart. They were simply mutual friends with all of the same people, and nothing more than that.

Yangyang furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Ten out of the side of his eyes. “Sure,” he said. He was giving Ten a look, but Ten wasn’t sure what it meant, and he didn’t want to look into it.

Yukhei looked at Ten, and Ten made sure not to look back at Yukhei.

“So,” Ten said, pulling the attention away from he and Yukhei’s very confusing, almost nonexistent dynamic. He couldn’t think of anything to say, trying to rack his brain for anything that didn’t have to do with him or Yukhei. “Guanheng thinks you like Dejun.”

Yangyang’s eyebrows knit. “Really?”

Ten nodded, “yeah. A while back I asked him if you two were sleeping together, and he told me that he thinks you like Dejun.”

Yukhei looked at Yangyang, awaiting an answer. Smoke was drifting from his mouth.

Yangyang hummed, considering this. “He was probably just trying to cover for us.”

That would make perfect sense to Ten, except Guanheng _had_ told Ten that they were hooking up in the same conversation he’d talked about Yangyang liking Dejun. He’d promised not to tell Yangyang that Guanheng had told him, though, so Ten couldn’t say that. “You don’t like Dejun, then?”

Yangyang squirmed on the bed. “I don’t _know_. No—I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it.” Which meant that he definitely had thought about it. He just didn’t like talking about it.

Yukhei took another big hit off of the pipe, eyes flickering between Yangyang and Ten as he did. “Why don’t you date Dejun, then?” he asked, completely ignoring Yangyang’s denial. “He seems like he’d be a good boyfriend and I’m sure he’d be down to try if you asked.”

Ten had a feeling that Yukhei knew more about the situation than Ten did. It was infuriating. Ten had been in town the whole time, and he rarely left. Yukhei had been gone for multiple semesters, having the time of his life at college, with whatever pretty boy he felt like being with. Yet, somehow Yukhei knew more about Ten’s friends than Ten did. It wasn’t fair.

Yangyang shrugged, looking off to the side. “Dejun’s so emotional and romantic, it’s not really my vibe. I need a little more chaos in my life, I guess.”

“Well, Guanheng’s good for chaos,” Yukhei laughed. His eyes turned into crescents when he smiled that wide, the dark of his pupils mostly concealed by long eyelashes.

“That’s for sure,” Ten agreed.

Yangyang reached out towards the taller man, going for the pipe. “Give me that,” he said. Yukhei handed it to him without any thought. Yangyang took a hit, listening to Yukhei say something about the weed they were smoking.

It was funny to Ten, how Yukhei thought Guanheng was chaotic. Yukhei had just crawled through the window of Yangyang’s bedroom, not too long ago. He complimented Ten over and over again, usually after Ten told him they needed to stay away from each other. He called Ten in the middle of the night on a payphone next to a graveyard and kept his weed in a sandwich bag. He spent his breaks at work sitting on top of a dumpster and smelled like vanilla perfume. He was pretty, and handsome; hard lines and soft lines all put together to create one beautiful man. He was effortlessly alluring, but he put effort into everything he did. He cried like it was an art form. He always double knotted his shoes and he walked places in the middle of the night. He was so stunning, and he’d broken Ten’s heart so bad. He was too harsh when he shouldn’t have been, too comfortable with Ten now that he _knew_ he shouldn’t be. He was chaos defined, there way no way he thought that one of their friends could possibly be more chaotic than him.

“You’re staring at me, again,” Yukhei said. It wasn’t a criticism, just an observation. Yukhei seemed awfully observant, these days. His eyes were directed down at Ten, mouth in a relaxed line.

Ten looked away from the personification of chaos, pursing his lips. “No, I wasn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment telling me how you feel about this story being back on it's feet, this chapter, or anything at all!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Come watch me scream about Wayv on twt @ vampykhei


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